Fewer Finer Things

What does the death of TV Pitchman Billy Mays mean for America?

Perhaps fewer excellent products, marketed directly to America’s hearths and homes.

In honor of Billy’s passing, here is Popular Mechanics on his 5 best products.

Bad

I’m disappointed about Michael Jackson’s death. I’ve always hoped he would have a comeback.

For all his problems, his music was incredible. This is a music-focused memoriam.

¡Feliz cumpleaños Walkman!

I liked this retrospective on the now-30 year-old Sony Walkman. Check out this page to see more of that first, brave model. It was very expensive, at over $500 inflation-adjusted dollars!

I remember borrowing my dad’s enormous SPORTS Walkman. Not only did it play cassette tapes, but it also had an FM Tuner.

Then there were the exciting models that also had the 3 or 5 band equalizers and the MEGA BASS button. And then came the Discman, with models like this that could even be used IN THE CAR!

Still, for a long time, the Walkman was the most practical and attainable personal musical device. I think I owned this model, near the APEX of Walkman technology, enjoying Kris Kross and other great music.

Happy Birthday Walkman!

All the Single Ladies…

Sometimes a girl just needs to be held.

Because We Care

We want our readers to be on the cutting-edge of fine infomercial sold items. I present…

THE WEARABLE TOWEL!

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 16: Truth in Advertising

A woman sued Cap’n Crunch, or rather Quaker Oats, on the basis that Crunchberries are not actual fruit!

Awesome.

The blog I linked to has a fantastic line:

Judge England also noted another federal court had “previously rejected substantially similar claims directed against the packaging of Fruit Loops [sic] cereal, and brought by these same Plaintiff attorneys.”  He found that their attack on “Crunchberries” should fare no better than their prior claims that “Froot Loops” did not contain real froot.

I tried to grow a froot tree once.

On a similar note, this is an interesting article about the history of Grape Nuts, which are neither grape nor nuts. It’s actually…BREAD. Burned, dried, smashed bread. It makes you manly too.

Has Grape Nuts ever been sued as was the Cap’n? I don’t know, but in posing the question on Instapundit, Ann Althouse prompted this historical bit from Eugene Volokh. Coca-Cola was sued for not actually containing significant amounts of coca, as in the plant from which cocaine is derived. From the Circuit Court’s 1914 opinion:

‘The use of a compound name does not necessarily * * * indicate that the article to which the name is applied contains the substances whose names make up the compound. Thus, soda water contains no soda; the butternut contains no butter; cream of tartar contains no cream; nor milk of lime any milk. Grape fruit is not the fruit of the grape; nor is bread fruit the fruit of bread; the pineapple is foreign to both the pine and the apple; and the manufactured food known as Grape Nuts contains neither grapes nor nuts.‘ …

We conclude that the name Coca Cola as applied to plaintiff’s product, while undoubtedly suggestive, is not so substantially and really deceptive as to invalidate the registered mark.

It’s the pause that refreshes.

Happy National Doughnut Day

It is a very special holiday… a HOLE-liday!

This blog exists, largely, because of donuts.  The two founding members of this blog were also the founding members of Team Kreme, camping out to hail in the first Krispy Kreme in Utah Valley.   Tonight JL and Sara Francis are both in my heart.

Please, in the comments share your favorite donut establishments around this fine globe…

I’ll start out.

Krispy Kreme – the original glaze (a classic)

Dunkin Donuts – Boston Kreme (the worst thing about California is the lack of Dunkins when you really need them)

Only In San Francisco #1

Shoes shined by the homeless on a mobile chair stand?  Could happen anywhere…

Get your ipod fixed while having your shoes shined by the homeless?

ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO.

Historical Blunders

A student teacher has to draw up an American history test for his tenth grade history students, focusing on post-World War II national events. He figures he will make it easy, seeing as how they’re just about to break for Memorial Day weekend.

Question #1: Name the intern who had inappropriate relations with President Bill Clinton in 1995.

This one stumps some of the students. What was that intern’s name?!!! One student writes, “Lebowski.” Student teacher laughs while he grades this test, but really enjoys the legendary response of “Martin Luther King, Jr.” What other conspiracy theories is this brilliant kid keeping from the United States? He certainly must know what goes down at Area 51.

Question #9: Name the hippie music festival that took place in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.

Again, some kids are stumped. One girl in particular has no idea. She asks for help. Student Teacher says, “I’ll give you a clue. It starts with a ‘W’.” Girl rolls her eyes. “Okay, then an ‘o’ and another ‘o’, then a ‘d’. Girl’s eyes light up and she scribbles down, “Woodlog.” Student Teacher interjects and says, “Try again.” After thinking, she crosses out her first feeble attempt and confidently writes, “Woodshop.”

Woodshop vs. Woodstock (easily confusable!)

Heaven help our teachers.

*Thanks, CJ, for the story!*

We’ve all wanted to…

The other morning, I was walking down Spear Street in San Francisco, and saw this on the ground outside of an office building:

You got it.  A printer thrown out of the window of an office building in an obvious fit of rage.  There’s still paper in it!

Am I the only one reminded of the movie Office Space with the scene where they steal the printer and beat it senseless in a field?  Here’s the clip (but if you’re sensitive to foul language I suggest you turn down the background music).