Archive for April 19, 2007
Word on the street is that Katie “Compromised” Holmes is trying to return to the good old days where she had friends of her own and wasn’t shadowed by a Scientology advisor on her trips to Neimans. However, this assertion of herself is being done in the shadows for now, with The Scoop claiming she’s quietly talking to Catholic priests and trying to get Suri in “kiddie Catholicism” courses.
Now really, Katie, I mean, Kate. The contract with Tom clearly states that you must be an active Scientologist and shun any religion that makes a lick of sense and refer to your marriage, motherhood and life as “amazing” whenever possible. Suri doesn’t have a chance of making it to her First Communion. She’ll be too busy proselyting at the playground giving her playmates stress tests.
Does Katie ever look back on her days on Dawson’s Creek and think, “Ah, a much simpler time. All I had to worry about was the heartbreak in Capeside.”
JL and my relationship is based on several concrete, immovable institutions. In addition to our mutual affinity of Supply-side economics, Waiting for Guffman, Krispy Kreme, and Miller Mondays, the very foundation remains: Harriet Carter.
So, please, enjoy the ride. This will be but the first of many glimpses into the world of Harriet Carter. My comments are highlighted.
Irrigation Spikes – Enhance the aesthetic of your flower garden with some used Fanta 2-Litres.
Irrigation Spikes drive the water straight to the plant root. Spikes attach to most soft drink containers to create a slow-drip irrigation system that lets water reach deep into the soil. $7.98
No Mildew Bath Mat – Are we SURE this is preferable to mildew?
Hide-a-Pipe Stump – I beg of you, just leave the pipe be!
Hot Dog Toaster – You know you have a problem when your consumption frequency requires a specific appliance.
Hot Dog Toaster is a real “wiener”! Why drag out the grill or boil pots of water when you can have hot, tasty frankfurters and buns in the time it takes to make toast? $29.98
Ear Lifts - A miracle bra for pierced ears? Genius!
Ear Lifts™ give droopy, sagging, torn or damaged lobes a boost! Reduces appearance of stretched or torn ear lobes and prevents future stretching. $9.98
Until Volume II,