No Lamentation Here?

The Croc Trend was lamented by lemare in this September 2007 post. I have good news for her, and bad news for many others.

Crocs, Inc. may be on its last legs.

According to the article linked above, aggressive expansion financed by debt has left the company in a very poor position to cope with the reduced demand of a recession AND the long-lasting nature of their product.

Thoughts? Please share below.

On a related/unrelated note I have a new favorite footwear item:

BSA Fashion Decisions

When faced with the possibility of wearing these pants…

or these skippy mail lady shorts…

do you opt for the Carol Brady culottes or try and improve the ill-fitting pants and shorts?

Not unlike the tailoring Shelley Long’s character demanded in Troop Beverly Hills….

In the midst of this fashion crisis, I take comfort in knowing Oscar de la Renta felt the pain of female Scouters everywhere when he rolled out his line of  silk Boy Scouts of America scarves.  Thank you, Oscar, for your thoughts at this time.

Link of the Day

This site, Tacky Weddings, exposes some truly unbelievable…creativity. This one is astounding.

Enjoy!

A Fatwa on Business Casual!

My time of leisure is coming to an end.  It’s ending along with my freedom of expression in my wardrobe.  In just a few short weeks, I will have to go back to the world of blouses and trousers, and I’m furious.  I’m happy to dress up, and I’m happy to wear jeans, it is the in-between world that I find simply offensive.

I am reminded of an episode of “Just Shoot Me” where Nina Van Horn’s (Wendie Malick) character declared:  “Everyone is so quick to blame the absentee father, but let me tell you something: it’s casual wear that’s ruining this society.”

I refuse to buy a sweater set.  I hope to have purchased my last pair of “sensible” dress shoes.  So it is here and now that I say, loud and clear, “NO” to business casual.  I defy my new employer to try and stop me.  I will dress formally or casually, but anywhere in between is fashion no-man’s land.  And I won’t do it.

So, below are some of my favorite “twists” on business casual:

Heeled, patent leather, croc-embossed boot.:  If you must wear a pencil skirt, you need a pair of hooker boots, but abstain from the same old boots people have been wearing for seven years–the patent croc adds a sassy spin which render these acceptable.

Heeled, snakeskin peep-toe: If you must wear slacks, let THIS shoe be peaking out the bottom.

Feminine, shapely sweater:  Throw away your twin sets.  They do nothing for you.  If you must wear a buttoned sweater, let it hug your figure, and let it have feminine details, like this little Nanette Lepore number.

Dress with feminine detailing:  Good heavens, people, you’re still a woman.  Don’t let Hillary Clinton be your fashion muse and fill your closet with pantsuits and trousers galore!

Wear a feminine suit: Not a boring one.  Throw away all boring suits, I’m serious.  Keep only those with something interesting and feminine.  My theory is, if you dress above the dress code for a few days in a row, you buy yourself a day slightly BELOW the dress code, thereby avoiding Fashion No-man’s land:  The Dreaded Business Casual.

A Casual, expressive and comfortable top:  Vintage Fringe is chalk-full of cute, interesting casual tops that you could skate by with in a business casual environment if you buy yourself enough karma by dressing above the dress code as much.

Remember, you’re only allowed to go below dress code, if you prove that you can go above it, too. The key is avoiding a cuffed pant with a button down shirt or sweater set every day.  That is what they expect you to wear, and that must be what you avoid.  Good luck, my little army!  Please help me in my crusade against the evils of business casual.  Remember, the absentee father isn’t to blame!

Fashion DON’T

Michelle Obama is typically quite a fashion maven.  She always looks put together and fantastic.  EXCEPT for last night, one of the most important nights in her adult life.  She looked like hell.  Literally.  Her dress had flames.  On her breasts.  And the flames across her mid-section make her look pregnant.  It was hideous.  When will people learn, just because it’s a designer and expensive, does NOT make it attractive???  It was not becoming a first lady.  Jackie O wouldn’t have come near this Narciso Rodriguez frock.  Shocking that SOME people actually LIKED it (http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/2008/11/michelle-obama.html).  At least her husband and kids look nice.

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 8: La Revolución

I’m going to be a little presumptuous here, possibly trespassing on Massimo’s turf, but I wanted to outline a few things that I don’t think have any place in our society after The Revolution:

• Bathtub Cheese: Not much can be said about this.
• The Jonas Brothers: These three skinny-pants wearing brats are terrible singers. I’ve had to sit through them twice now, on two different reality results shows, and I don’t like them, at all, yet the Disney machine has thrust, thrust them upon us. At least they appear to be playing instruments.
• Skinny Jeans on women: Sorry. They don’t look good on anyone. They actually do make your butt look big. They are like this fluffy little skirts that always seem to be worn by girls with more generous proportions and that also fail to flatter 99% of the wearers. 
• Ear gauging: It never fails to give me the heebie jeebies.
• Che Guevara and anything having to do with him.
• Progressive Income Taxes
• Mandatory participation in Social Security

This is far from exhaustive. Share your thoughts below. We’ll talk about what will be part of the Revolution in a later post.

100% Acrylic

I love Meryn Cadell’s music video of “The Sweater.” It’s a classic.

Lyrics:

Girls,
I know you will understand this
and feel the intrinsic incredible emotion
You have just pulled over your head the worn,
warm sweater belonging to a boy
Now, you haven’t had a passionate
kissing session or anything,
but you got to go on a camping trip with him
and eight other people from school
And you practically slept together,
your sleeping bag right next to his
And you woke in the night to watch him as he slept
but you couldn’t see anything ’cause it was dark
so you just laid there and listened to his breathing
and wondered if your heart might burst
The sweater has that faintly goat-like smell
which all teenage boys possess,
and that smell will lovingly transfer
to all your other clothes
If you get to keep it for a few
days you can sleep with it
but don’t let your mom see, ’cause she’ll say,
“what is that filthy thing, and who does it belong to
besides the trash man?”
So you have to keep it under the covers with you
You can kind of lie it beside you,
or wrap it around your waist,
or touch it on your legs, or whatever
That’s your business
Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it
or is a funny color like yellow… I’m sorry,
you can’t get away with a sweater like that
Look for brown, or grey, or blue
Anything other than that, and you
know you’re dealing with
someone who’s different
And different is NOT what you’re looking for
You’re looking for those Teenage Alpine ski-chiseled features
and that sort of blank look which
passes for deep thought
or at least the notion that someone’s home
You’re looking for the boy of your dreams
who is the same boy in the dreams of all your friends.
Now the sweater isn’t going to fit you of course,
you kind of have to roll up the sleeves in a jaunty way that says
this is the sweater belonging to a boy,
and the boy is a genuine hunka hunka burning love,
and this is not just some hand me down from your brother or your father
Monday, wear the sweater
to school
Be calm, look cute
Don’t tell him about the dream you had
about the place the two of you would share
when you get older
Just be yourself
The best, cutest, quietest version of yourself
Definitely wear lip gloss
He looks at you, and then he looks away
And then he walks away
and the smell of the sweater hits you again suddenly
like ape-scent gloriola
and you get a note passed to you
by a girl in History that says
“He needs that sweater back.
He forgot you put it on in the tent on Saturday
and he’s been looking for it.”
And you don’t have to die of humiliation,
You are a strong person
and this is a learning experience
You can still hold your head up high as
you run from the classroom
tearing the stinking sweater from your body.
You look at that sweater, carefully,
and you realize that love made you temporarily blind.
You’ve got a secret now, honey,
and though you’d never sink as low as him,
you could blab it all over the school if you wanted
The label in that sweater
said “100% Acrylic”

I want a new dress

Happy Leap Day!  I’m thinking of honoring St. Brigit and asking a few men to marry me.

“A tradition was introduced many centuries ago to allow women to propose to men during a leap year. This privilege of proposing was restricted to leap day in some areas. Leap day was sometimes known as “Bachelors’ Day”. A man was expected to pay a penalty, such as a gown or money, if he refused a marriage offer from a woman.
The tradition’s origin stemmed from an old Irish tale referring to St Bridget striking a deal with St Patrick to allow women to propose to men every four years. “

I may start proposing (and collecting gowns) willy-nilly.

The consolation gown had BETTER not look like any of these.  Jennifer Hudson’s Oscar dress still haunts me.  The image of the arm pit rolls is burned on my retinaes. 

Mom Jeans

Critts found this horrifying spoof of a commercial for Mom Jeans.  Ladies, I implore you, continue to spend absurd amounts of money on designer jeans.  It is worth it not to look like THIS!!!

 

-Posted by LeMare

Heaven Help Us All

This past weekend, I was blessed to attend the Beach Boy’s concert (Summer Concert Review forthcoming).  While using the restroom during the concert, I had the misadventure of sharing a stall wall with a girl singing “Help Me, Rhonda” while going to the bathroom.  Throwing up a little in my mouth, I looked down and saw a pair of brown Crocs.  The girl on the other side joined in the tune; her Crocs were light blue.

The plague, my friends, is reaching a fever pitch.  I never thought the trend would last more than one season.  They are, afterall, the most hideous, least flattering thing that can be put on a foot.  I firmly believe that my surgical boot after my osteotomy was a sexier piece of footwear.

 Feeling strongly against them, but oh so alone at times (like Monday nights in Provo, Utah when I’m the only girl not wearing a waffle-weave top and turquoise foam-resin shoes).  Fortunately, my friend, Luke reached out to me today, reminding me that there is always help and support when you seek it out.  Today I learned about IHateCrocs.com.  It’s such a blessing to learn that In Rare Form isn’t the only blog dedicated toward good works.  I firmly believe in their cause and even looked to see if there was a “Donate Here” link.  There IS a store, though, and the logo might look nice along with the “Don’t Hassle The Hoff” and the “Stay Golden” tees I intend to order.

America is not the only region infested by these reptiles.  In the UK Daily Mail article, “God Save Us From the Croc,” the author refers to to her Aussie relatives as being “victims of the greatest fashion heist in modern history – the curse of the Crocs.”  She goes on to say, “No one’s perfect. BUT this isn’t even a fashion mistake. Because Crocs are not, and never were, anything to do with fashion. “

I object to the Croc, except if worn on a boat (alone) or while pulling weeds in the sanctity of one’s own garden, or on a three-year old.  Nothing… no outfit, no health problem, no occupation requires you to offend your fellow man in such an overt manner.

As one reader eloquently said on IHateCrocs.com, “They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.”