The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 16: Truth in Advertising

A woman sued Cap’n Crunch, or rather Quaker Oats, on the basis that Crunchberries are not actual fruit!

Awesome.

The blog I linked to has a fantastic line:

Judge England also noted another federal court had “previously rejected substantially similar claims directed against the packaging of Fruit Loops [sic] cereal, and brought by these same Plaintiff attorneys.”  He found that their attack on “Crunchberries” should fare no better than their prior claims that “Froot Loops” did not contain real froot.

I tried to grow a froot tree once.

On a similar note, this is an interesting article about the history of Grape Nuts, which are neither grape nor nuts. It’s actually…BREAD. Burned, dried, smashed bread. It makes you manly too.

Has Grape Nuts ever been sued as was the Cap’n? I don’t know, but in posing the question on Instapundit, Ann Althouse prompted this historical bit from Eugene Volokh. Coca-Cola was sued for not actually containing significant amounts of coca, as in the plant from which cocaine is derived. From the Circuit Court’s 1914 opinion:

‘The use of a compound name does not necessarily * * * indicate that the article to which the name is applied contains the substances whose names make up the compound. Thus, soda water contains no soda; the butternut contains no butter; cream of tartar contains no cream; nor milk of lime any milk. Grape fruit is not the fruit of the grape; nor is bread fruit the fruit of bread; the pineapple is foreign to both the pine and the apple; and the manufactured food known as Grape Nuts contains neither grapes nor nuts.‘ …

We conclude that the name Coca Cola as applied to plaintiff’s product, while undoubtedly suggestive, is not so substantially and really deceptive as to invalidate the registered mark.

It’s the pause that refreshes.

Happy National Doughnut Day

It is a very special holiday… a HOLE-liday!

This blog exists, largely, because of donuts.  The two founding members of this blog were also the founding members of Team Kreme, camping out to hail in the first Krispy Kreme in Utah Valley.   Tonight JL and Sara Francis are both in my heart.

Please, in the comments share your favorite donut establishments around this fine globe…

I’ll start out.

Krispy Kreme – the original glaze (a classic)

Dunkin Donuts – Boston Kreme (the worst thing about California is the lack of Dunkins when you really need them)

As Popular as “The Gosselin”

It may be presumptuous to claim that anybody who sees these wants these. But it’s true. (It’s far less presumptuous than Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 claiming that everybody wants her parrot hair do).

Without further ado, a little recipe for anyone who needs to a) win the grand prize at a cookie contest b) make amends with someone or c) take a break from job applications.

Peanut Butter Brownie Cookies
Pillsbury Bake-Off Finalist, 2004

1 box traditional fudge brownie mix
1/4 cup butter, melted
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 container (1 lb. size) chocolate fudge ready-to-spread frosting

1. Heat oven to 350. In medium bowl, beat brownie mix, melted butter, cream cheese and egg 50 strokes with spoon until well blended (dought will be sticky).

2. Onto ungreased cookie sheets, drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart to make 24 cookies; smooth edge of each to form round cookie.

3. In small bowl, mix powdered sugar and peanut butter with spoon until mixture forms a ball. With hands, roll rounded teaspoonfuls into 24 balls. Lightly press 1 ball into center of each ball of dough.

4. Bake 10 to 14 minutes or until edge are set. Cool cookies on cookie sheets at least 30 minutes.

5. Remove cooled cookies from cookie sheets. Spread thin layer of frosting over peanut butter portion of each cooled cookie.

These creations are so potent that no one has ever been able to eat more than two in one sitting. Consider that a challenge…

Not Worth Peanuts

In my conversations with people about a certain rogue I argue that the most effective regulation is occuring as we speak, in the form of individuals making adjustments to the way they think and behave; in other words, Self-Regulation.

As argued in today’s Wall Street Journal, that mechanism does not discriminate as to the industries affected. The precipitous fall of The Peanut Corporation are a cautionary tale, but also a helpful one for believers in realistic and effective regulation:

Other proposals would aim to trace food on every step of its journey of growing, sorting, processing, distributing and mixing on the way to grocery stores and pantries. But it’s nuts to think any kind of reasonable inspection regime can make the food supply safer than it already is. Taxpayers can’t afford to hire enough inspectors to guarantee the safety of the entire food chain. Meanwhile, such a regime will raise costs for law-abiding companies and consumers.

The best food-safety enforcement tool is the one now being wielded against PCA and Mr. Parnell in the form of corporate self-destruction. Their fate should be chastening to any company inclined to play fast and loose — and will do more to enforce food safety standards than any army of inspectors.

As always, IRF remains steadfast in its advocacy of quality products.

LeMare’s Tacky Superbowl Party

It only comes but once a year.  Every other time in my home, I try to offer delicious and tasteful food.  But on Superbowl Sunday, there is no tolerance for class.  Tasty, but NEVER tasteful.  That’s right, this year was my 2nd Annual Tacky Superbowl Party, and we outdid ourselves, and the improvements were more than just my TV!

How do you THROW a tacky superbowl party?

Start with balloons.  Add a couple mylar, if possible.  Crepe paper also decked every doorway, naturally.

Everyone loves the mylar

On the menu?  Bacon flavored easy cheese.  Bagel Bites.  Jose Ole Mini Tacos.  Mini Corndogs (one guest said “they went down so smooth”).  And the piece de resistance?  A guacamole dip football stadium.  It was something special

So tacky, we could afford Hebrew National upgrade

Thematic M&Ms? Check. Football chip bowl? check, check.

Not gonna lie. Bagel bites stole the show

Jose Ole has NEVER let me down.

piece de resistance? Guacamole Football Statdium. And yes, the goal posts are slim jims and the stands are twinkies and chips.

Yes, you see that right, there IS a twinkie on his plate.

Has there ever been a plate, in the history of time, that has the same items on it?  Bagel bite, meatballs, velveeta/chili dip, pig in a blanket, 7-layer brownie, and, naturally, a twinkie.  The man holding this plate was the eating MVP, BY FAR.  He declared this to be one of his Top 10 Nights EVER.  He also said, “If I die tonight, please know that I die a happy man.”

You should probably be buying flights to San Francisco for my party next year.  It’ll be a fête.

Guest Post: I don’t normally do this, but…

I do normally eat lunch at Costco. Pizza, soda, churro for like 18 cents. How can you go wrong? I especially love the days when the churros come fresh out of the industrial sized oven. I like watching each individual churro get tossed in a vat of cinnamon sugar. I think it should be sinnamon. Anyways. Today in line with three of my homies, an objectively charming young lass walked up behind us. She was apparently quite fetching to the single men. One found her so magnetizing that he was drawn across the food court and compelled to confess to her…

“I don’t normally do this in line at Costco.”

He then handed her his card, courteously supplying her with his cellular number and email address. One of my friends burst out laughing and asked her what she thought as the guy walked away. She raised her wedding band and replied, “It helps to have a husband.”

And if I know this type of bold boy like I think I do, he’s asking himself, “Yeah, but is she that married?”

-mikel

Never Trust a Skinny Chef

As we prepare for the biggest food day of the year, it’s important to know where to look for the best food inspiration. Gwyneth Paltrow, actress in such critically acclaimed movies such as Hush and View From the Top, has launched a weekly e-newsletter called GOOP. The tagline is “nourish the inner aspect.” Fashion sense and soul, perhaps, could be nourished by GP, but certainly not body. As the old adage goes, never trust a skinny chef.

While ensuring a good dose of fiber and certainly well-intentioned, her Buckwheat and Banana pancakes pale in comparison to what some of her heftier cohorts in the field produce. Do you doubt for a moment the joy of sinking your teeth into Paula Deen’s hashbrown breakfast, french toast casserole or breakfast burrito? Or even question whether Ina Garten’s breakfast bread pudding is good for you?

Some areas are best left to the professionals.

Want to be a Ben & Jerry Wet-nurse?

This would be the last bowl of Chunky Monkey any of us ever consume.  PETA has written a letter to Ben & Jerry encouraging them to start making their ice cream out of HUMAN BREAST MILK as it is cruel to have a dairy of cows.

Yes.  So let’s open up a dairy pumping station of wet nurses. First of all, they will, undoubtedly, be union employees, and Ben & Jerry would have to continue to employ them long after their supply dries up.  They will probably also have to pay for the breast lift, effectively making each pint of “Everything But The…” roughly $79.99.

And even if you liked ice cream enough to cough up the new and improved price tag, you’d be eating frozen BREAST MILK!!!!

If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Though JL and I were the co-captains of Team Kreme (who camped out for the opening of the Orem Krispy Kreme circa 2000), our wildest dreams could never fathom such a sandwich.  KRISPY KREME BACON CHEESEBURGERS.  Someone get the paddles.  STAT.

What’s For Dinner?

Here was the menu for today’s Mother’s Day feast:

Aunt JoEllen’s Barbecue Beef Brisket

3-5 lbs. boneless brisket
4 oz. bottle of liquid smoke
1/2 bottle Barbeque Sauce
1/2 small bottle Worcestershire sauce
celery salt
garlic salt

Marinate boneless brisket in liquid smoke for at least 12 hours before baking. Preheat oven to 225. Pour off liquid smoke and add half the bottle of Worcestershire sauce. Sprinkle on celery and garlic salts. Cover and bake for 5 hours. You may want to turn the meat over during this time, but it’s not necessary. Remove brisket from oven and add ½ bottle of barbeque sauce, pouring it directly on the brisket. Continue baking 225 degrees for 1 hour. Remove from oven. Let brisket stand 20 min. before you carve it across the grain of the meat with an electric knife. Serve with barbeque sauce thinned with drippings if desired. (You can make this a day ahead, refrigerate, and throw out the fat on top—the taste only gets better)

Mashed Sour Cream and Scallion Potatoes

10 large Idaho potatoes (7 pounds), peeled and quartered

5 garlic cloves, peeled

1 cup reduced-fat sour cream

1/2 cup milk

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

7 scallions, white and light green parts, thinly sliced

Place the potatoes and garlic in a large pot and add enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and cook until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain the potatoes and garlic and return to the pot. Add the sour cream, milk, and butter and mash with a potato masher. Add scallions and stir gently to combine well. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve hot.

Boston Lettuce Avocado Salad and Lime Dressing (Dave Lieberman)

For the salad:
2 small to medium heads Boston lettuce, discard any wilted leaves
1 Hass avocado, pitted
1 large bunch scallions, thinly sliced
Leaves from 1 bunch cilantro, finely choppedFor the dressing:
2 limes, juiced
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
About 20 grinds fresh black pepper
1 tablespoon whole-grain mustard

Pull the lettuce leaves from the head, rinse gently under cold water, and lay out on clean towels to dry. Use a spoon to remove the flesh in 1 piece from each half of the avocado. Thinly slice the avocado flesh into thin wedges.Whisk together all the dressing ingredients.

Arrange the lettuce leaves on a plate and top with the avocado wedges, scallion, and cilantro. Finish with a healthy drizzling of the dressing

Lynette’s Baked Beans

3 cans Baked Beans (B&M is best, but Bush’s will work too)
1/3 lb bacon
Green Pepper
Onion
1/2 c. Ketchup
1/2 c. Brown Sugar

Cut up bacon in small pieces and fry.  Put bacon (and a little of the grease for taste) into the slow cooker.  Add the rest of the ingredients and cook on low for at least 4 hours.