Link of the Day

This site, Tacky Weddings, exposes some truly unbelievable…creativity. This one is astounding.

Enjoy!

But Can You Annul the Memories?

British twins who were separated at birth met later on in life, felt “an inevitable attraction” and got married. After learning of their biological connection, they quickly got their marriage annulled.

So they probably looked quite similar, shared the same birthday and knew they were both adopted. Were none of these big enough red flags to prevent the union? If only they had checked it out beforehand!

Combating the Evil Empire

Once upon a time there was a high school senior who thought she should build her resume and have something to do after school. Because J. Crew was a little more discerning in their hires, she bit at the first offer from Abercrombie & Fitch. There were immediate signs that something stunk in suburbia, yet the allure of that stout $5.50 an hour held her in place for enough time to witness some truly horrific things about the underbelly of the Evil Empire.

• Fellow co-workers and managers thought the world of themselves, even as a 24-year old manager lost all dignity by throwing herself at a 19-year old community college sales associate and inviting him home repeatedly after late night clothes stockings.
• At the direction of store leadership, associates were directed to be more playful and spontaneous, much like the models in the trashy posters flung across the store. This plan had to be halted when some associates started a tag football game in the middle of the store and knocked over an unsuspecting tween.
• In a required meeting for all employees, management coached everyone on making sure the right kind of customer lingered in the store. If someone didn’t look like they belonged and had bags from stores that were way below the caliber of the A&F fashion house or if they essentially weren’t Caucasian and preppy, associates were to follow them around asking if they could offer assistance and not leave their side until they left the store. Because certainly a Wet Seal bag = shoplifter.
• For the highly anticipated visit of the CEO, managers instructed all of the girl associates that there was a perception “throughout the country” that they were too pretty and intimidating to approach. “You, put your hair up,” “You, put on these flip flops,” “Remove those pearls and put on this hemp beaded necklace thing,” followed.

Being a worse quitter than Michael Scott at his telemarketing gig, she was scheduled for all-night duty to set up the new summer merchandise and did not, repeat, did not, feel like her health should be sacrificed to this insulting company. So she did the grown up thing and had her college graduate sister phone her manager and tell her that her sister had been stricken with mono, and wouldn’t be making the 10pm-9am shift that night, and that she would never be coming back.

This plan to build her resume backfired which may explain some of the job opportunities she was presented with after attending a Park City job fair:

And that my friends, is what future hiring managers thought of her Abercrombie stint, and rightly so.  She had only proven that she had “amusement park skills” and the ability to sport a monster costume.
Posted by JL

URGENT: Help IRF save Joe Miller!

Our valiant IRF contributor, Joe Miller, is in quite a bind, as demonstrated in JL’s Post on the Missionary Beefcake Calendar. 

“Ok, someone just walked into my cubicle as I was checking out the website. My mouth was agape in shock but I wonder how my coworker interpreted my expression due to the fact that he immediately exited my area like it was an accident he ever ran into me. My life is now over. “

My male coworker said he needed to offer a quick explanation or it was time to quit. Since this is a NEW job to Joe Miller, quitting is not an option. Therefore, it is time for an explanation. Unfortunately, however, Joe Miller believes, much like Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men” that his coworker “can’t handle the truth.” I can barely handle it.

Therefore, it is time that we, as an IRF community, come together in solidarity around one of our own… and create a lie.

I was happy to fabricate a white lie because the truth is anything but pretty. My submission to Joe was this: 

You found out your friend, was posing for a charity calendar and you didn’t believe him, so you had to see it for yourself and when you saw the horrifying confirmation on the monitor was the moment he came up…

Joe Miller and I agree, however, that with the help of you readers, we can come up with the best possible explanation to his coworker who found him looking (open-mouthed) at oiled-up shirtless men in provocative poses. There IS a sense of urgency around this as the longer he waits without an explanation, the faster the rumors of Joe will spread around the office.   Please leave comments with a constructive falsehood.  Make haste!

The Second One this Month

This past Sunday was another Sabbath full of sin and iniquity, and no, THIS time, I was not to blame.   I boarded the Red Line at Grand en route to church clear up at Northwestern University.  At some point between Addison (Wrigley Field) and Granville (where sickos apparently live), I looked up and caught the eye of a creepy-looking man facing me.  He gave me a look–the look that creepy men give women…  I immediately averted my eyes and pretended that I was REALLY interested in my ipod.   

I could feel that his gaze was still upon me, and when I looked up, there he was, unzipped, out in the open, and having a good old time… all at my expense. 

I gasped and turned around, finding two nicely dressed girls trying to figure out why I am all of a sudden staring at them.  After 10 seconds of my incoherent babble, the brown-haired girl saw it and gasped and turned as well.  I got up and moved to a seat that I couldn’t see him.  The blonde girl said a similar experience happened to her at 2 am when she first moved here. The brunette said, “But you’d expect that kind of thing at 2am.  This is Sunday Morning.  GOD’S DAY!!!  People are in church right now!!!”  I told her that I was on my way, in fact.  “Say a few extra prayers today,” she advised.   

And then she turned to her friend and said, “You know, this is the SECOND &#%!$  that I haven’t wanted to see this month.”

Posted by LeMare