Bamboo Covered Pits

I liked this video. There is hidden danger in these Olympics:

The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

Guest Post: The Wheels that Keep Our Country Turning

My office carpet produces an insane amount of static electricity. I failed Physical Science. Twice. So that may not be exactly what is happening. I remember a rod being rubbed against a rabbit fur? I guess in this example I’m the rod. But I’d rather be draped in rabbit fur. That’s beside the point though. There is tons of electricity in the office. Touch the filing cabinet. POW. Grab something off the printer. ZING. I don’t know why I’m surprised every time it happens. But I am.

Since realizing the potent force of electrons, or protons, or Jimmy Neutron, I’ve had one goal. To have an intern shock his mouth on the metal door handle to our office. Why? I have no idea. But I nearly got one to do it. We locked the door, double locked in fact using a lock on the ground, to ensure that the door wouldn’t fling open and deteeth him. He chickened out. But just by getting close, the two of us have been close since he left the office, nearly two years ago.

What else makes a strong intern? Killer guest posts for one. For another, being neither heard nor seen, yet managing to keep my outbox empty of clutter. Not calling me “Bud” in the hall is a major one. You should also keep your shoes on while at the copier. Where I work, summer interns are a special level of intern. During the school year, the truly devoted are interns. Once summer hits, everyone whose Dad or Mom is owed a favor gets in. You can spot these gems by their designer duds, high heels, couture bags, too much David Yurman, and Barack Obama pins.

While we’re fondly recalling intern memories (not fondling), here are a few more.

*Telling a managing partner at the firm picnic that he was a summer associate in his second year of law school, when in reality he was an intern in his sophomore year of college.

*An 18 year old getting totally hammered at an Orioles game, having his car impounded, and being forced to stay in a hotel near the stadium. It being a work night, he drove in the next day directly from Baltimore, neglecting his hygienic duties.

*An intern who in the matter of one week had her dorm catch fire, her car blocked in on the street, and a mono scare, all which prevent her from showing up to work on time.

It is wonderful to take part in guiding these brilliant young minds that are so full of hope and promise. We are fortunate to see these rising stars who look down on the entry level jobs in the office that none of them could even hope to get. Here’s to them.

The Lamentations of Lowry - Chapter 8: La Revolución

I’m going to be a little presumptuous here, possibly trespassing on Massimo’s turf, but I wanted to outline a few things that I don’t think have any place in our society after The Revolution:

• Bathtub Cheese: Not much can be said about this.
• The Jonas Brothers: These three skinny-pants wearing brats are terrible singers. I’ve had to sit through them twice now, on two different reality results shows, and I don’t like them, at all, yet the Disney machine has thrust, thrust them upon us. At least they appear to be playing instruments.
• Skinny Jeans on women: Sorry. They don’t look good on anyone. They actually do make your butt look big. They are like this fluffy little skirts that always seem to be worn by girls with more generous proportions and that also fail to flatter 99% of the wearers. 
• Ear gauging: It never fails to give me the heebie jeebies.
• Che Guevara and anything having to do with him.
• Progressive Income Taxes
• Mandatory participation in Social Security

This is far from exhaustive. Share your thoughts below. We’ll talk about what will be part of the Revolution in a later post.

Funny Monday

I posted this on my blog last Saturday, but I thought readers here would enjoy it. From Flight of the Conchords.

Sparkles

Apparently this photo ran with the endorsement of Obama by Willamette Week (via this blog).

Hmmm. Certainly Obama can’t be blamed for this one. Still- wowzers.

I Can Hear You Now - Part IX

Several months ago prior to a marathon at Disney World there was an exhibition of exercise equipment and tools. My friend stepped onto one device and was informed that he had large bone structure. A female friend of ours stepped on the device and was told that she too had large bones.

She stepped off the device and proceeded to say this (rather loudly) while high-fiving my friend:

“Hooray for big boners!”

As the words escaped her lips she realized her mistake.

Saru mo ki kara ochiru.

This is a great video from last week’s Saturday Night Live.

Sayonara.

from www.hulu.com posted with vodpod

The Lamentations of Lowry - Chapter 6

I wanted to get this post out before too much time had passed since the IRF One Year Anniversary. It may be emblematic of what I bring to the table. Hopefully I don’t regret this.

WARNING: This post contains the word poop and synonyms. More than once. Enjoy.

I needed a respite from the tumult of the political season, and turned my substantial brain to the task of sustainable agriculture. This is especially critical in light of the impending worldwide food crisis. What does sustainable agriculture mean? I always thought it meant that when you pulled something out of the ground (food), you planted something in its place (more food). It also seems logical that you would want to maximize the yield and viability of the harvest. This is where the problem arises- SCIENCE had come up with ARTIFICIAL ways of increasing yield and protecting crops from pests and disease. How presumtuous of SCIENCE! SCIENCE is so proud of itself. Too bad SCIENCE doesn’t understand that the only way to grow food is organically. It is so obvious!

Naysayers of the organic movement have some criticism. They claim that there is no real harm done by altering foods and using fertilizer and other synthetic growing aids. Perhaps, but I know that when I buy organic food in the store I feel very special, more special than when I buy regular old non-organic foods. If organic food can have that effect on me before I even eat it, imagine what it is doing inside of my body! Take that SCIENCE!

Critics also claim that it will never be possible to supply enough food using organic growing methods. I have to admit that there is not enough livestock to provide all the requisite poo-poo. Nonetheless, I have a solution: human poo.

In this utopian ideal, driven by capitalist principles of course, people will be compensated for their pooduction. Simply put, some people are better poopers. These are my Alpha Poopers. In an all-organic future they are the creme-de-la-creme. More meager poo-makers will still receive recognition according to their gifts.

Understanding that not everyone is born with the same opportunities (or excretory systems), the Poo-aucracy will ensure that all citizens have access to training that can help them move up the ranks to the Alpha level. It’s only fair after all.

If we are to avoid the tremendous danger of worldwide food shortages, we have to ensure that the best quality food is availabe, and a lot of it. How better to do this than with our own doo-doo? I wish I could fully dive into the merits of this enticing plan. Perhaps another day.

Ignore the critics, the closed-minded. SCIENCE can only do so much, understand so much. We with the vision will take things to the next level!

 

Billary making Moola

JL’s post prompted me to write something. I haven’t had a baby, moved, or anything so special as pick up a car from Sweden. Just living the life.

I thought this was a pretty funny SNL bit. They’ve been pretty good on the election so far, as watching Obama and Hillary go at it has been great fun for me. Sorry about the commercial.

from www.hulu.com posted with vodpod

The Lamentations of Lowry - Chapter 4

This primary season has been so exciting! All this talk of change, and making a better America, and fixing all of our problems. Sometimes I can be downright grumpy about politics! Just look at what I had to say about this and this. What a sourpuss! I think I have been too disappointed by politicians to even allow myself to feel the h..ho…ho….hope! There! It was even hard to write that! But I’m there, friends. I feel hope. It’s like blood, flowing through my body all the way down to my toes. It makes me smile, nod my head, I even start to tap my feet. By now you must be riveted to the screen with fervent desire to know why I am so hopeful. Let me start at the beginning.

I was listening to a song by one J. Timberlake, entitled “Lovestoned.” Some critical excerpts:

She looks like a model
Except she’s got a little more —
Don’t even bother
Unless you’ve got that thing she likes
I hope she’s goin’ home with me tonight

[break]

And all she wants is to dance
That’s why you’ll find her on the floor
But you don’t have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That’s why she’s goin’ home with me tonight

I know you must be thinking the same thing. In what world does the hottest girl in the club make her selection based solely on one’s dancing prowess? She will go for you “if you have the thing that she likes” or “if you move the way that she likes.” This theory is something I call the “Meritocracy of the Dancefloor.” Until now I have thought it only a fantasy. This is like some kind of perfect scenario we capitalists like to talk about. Just invent a new product that is better and cheaper and you will be successful. Hah. That was before I discovered hope.

Not everyone was born with my gifts. As a half-cuban I have been blessed with innate rhythm. But there are millions out there who have to toil in the clubs of this world barely able to string two steps together. They work hard at it, but as long as there are better looking and more rhythmically inclined people the playing field will not be level.

Only one person can save this beleaguered group. This is important, because we know that the big corporations don’t care and the social conservatives want to outlaw that (devil) dancing (see this documentary).

Only one man has inspired the hope in me that ALL of our problems can be fixed, including the myth of dancefloor meritocracy. To the Chicago Council on Global Affairs he said the following:

The fifth way America will lead again is to invest in our common humanity – to ensure that those who live in fear and want today can live with dignity and opportunity tomorrow.

Can’t you just tell that he was speaking to you, the downtrodden and rhythmically inept? If that is not clear to you then I want to make it clear to you. No longer will you go to the discos of France and Spain and Dubai and be mocked. Respect and dignity can be yours. Vote for hope! Vote Obama.