Posts filed under ‘LeMare’s Posts’
Vehicular Art
The San Francisco Bay Area… like no other place in the world. Thank goodness I have a camera phone… here are all the vehicles i have seen in the last few months with odd things in or attached to them…
Having a pickup comes in handy for transporting large globes.
Yes, that IS the same truck that was carrying the big globe the day before…
Dino-mobile? Wha-the-WHAT????
The last of which has a fake doll dressed like a bride in shotgun and when he drives, she starts dancing. Only in Santa Cruz…
Only in San Francisco…Only In San Francisco #1
Shoes shined by the homeless on a mobile chair stand? Could happen anywhere…
Get your ipod fixed while having your shoes shined by the homeless?
ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO.
We’ve all wanted to…
The other morning, I was walking down Spear Street in San Francisco, and saw this on the ground outside of an office building:
You got it. A printer thrown out of the window of an office building in an obvious fit of rage. There’s still paper in it!
Am I the only one reminded of the movie Office Space with the scene where they steal the printer and beat it senseless in a field? Here’s the clip (but if you’re sensitive to foul language I suggest you turn down the background music).
The Majesty of Rock, the Pageantry of Roll
I said I was going to do it, and I did it. I attended Unwigged and Unplugged based on this blog’s recommendation. It did not disappoint.
This year marks the 25th Anniversary of the movie “This is Spinal Tap” which is an iconic cult classic that ushered in a new genre, The Mocumentary, and IRF’s collective favorite film, the great unifier that brought us all together, Waiting for Guffman. These movies aren’t for everyone, as the humor is dry, and well, smart. Joe Miller describes this as having a high HIQ. Well, as we all know, “you find people. You FIND them” and I found people that share the same appreciation that I do. So my friend and I bought tickets to see Harry Shearer, Michael McKean, and Christopher Guest, live in the Oakland Paramount Theatre.
This is Spinal Tap is a mocumentary that chronicals the ’80′s rock band, Spinal Tap, often called the loudest band on Earth. Christopher Guest, plays lead Guitarist, Nigel Tufnel and this scene describes him better than I ever could :
Some of my favorite Spinal Tap lyrics:
Big bottom, big bottom, talk about mud flaps, my girl’s got ‘em.
You’ve still got your baby teeth.
In the show, they also showed this special youtube tribute someone else made to Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You:
Now the band didn’t only represent Spinal Tap, as they did come back in a Mocumentary about Folk Music called “A Mighty Wind”. And the threw me a bone by performing the song from the Waiting For Guffman Outtakes, “This Bulging River,” which may be one of my favorite parts of the movie . All in all the night was a success. Upon telling Joe Miller about my concert, he replied, “I don’t care about trivial things like how you’re doing, all I want to know is, did they play Hell Hole?” My response was in Joe and my common language, “Guffmanese” as I said, “ello, ow are oo? ave you been to ‘artford?” (Joe, clearly understood that this meant they opened with it).
I wish each and every one of you could have been with me for this special evening. You were in my heart.
PS – I did procure a new baseball shirt with Spinal Tap across the front and the number on the back? 11. (Because it’s one louder.)
LeMare’s Tacky Superbowl Party
It only comes but once a year. Every other time in my home, I try to offer delicious and tasteful food. But on Superbowl Sunday, there is no tolerance for class. Tasty, but NEVER tasteful. That’s right, this year was my 2nd Annual Tacky Superbowl Party, and we outdid ourselves, and the improvements were more than just my TV!
How do you THROW a tacky superbowl party?
Start with balloons. Add a couple mylar, if possible. Crepe paper also decked every doorway, naturally.
Everyone loves the mylar
On the menu? Bacon flavored easy cheese. Bagel Bites. Jose Ole Mini Tacos. Mini Corndogs (one guest said “they went down so smooth”). And the piece de resistance? A guacamole dip football stadium. It was something special
So tacky, we could afford Hebrew National upgrade
Thematic M&Ms? Check. Football chip bowl? check, check.
Not gonna lie. Bagel bites stole the show
Jose Ole has NEVER let me down.
piece de resistance? Guacamole Football Statdium. And yes, the goal posts are slim jims and the stands are twinkies and chips.
Yes, you see that right, there IS a twinkie on his plate.
Has there ever been a plate, in the history of time, that has the same items on it? Bagel bite, meatballs, velveeta/chili dip, pig in a blanket, 7-layer brownie, and, naturally, a twinkie. The man holding this plate was the eating MVP, BY FAR. He declared this to be one of his Top 10 Nights EVER. He also said, “If I die tonight, please know that I die a happy man.”
You should probably be buying flights to San Francisco for my party next year. It’ll be a fête.
The Year’s Best Bizarre Compliments
As we mull over the end of 2008, I can’t help but think of all the lovely things that people have said to me. Here are the five most bizarre compliments that I have received in 2008, and I encourage you to share yours in the comments section:
“You’re Beautiful!” -From a Uniformed Indonesian Official carrying an M-16.
“You play sport!” -From pedicurist, while massaging my calf, soon after my half marathon.
“Your sister is really good at her job because she can totally disagree with you without coming across as a total B****!” -From a former colleague, as given to my brother, when he randomly met her on the train.
“You’re the best businessman in this family.” -From my sister
“You have such cute shoes! Britt–look at these shoes!” -From the TSA official while rifling through my carry-on.
Happy New Year to all!
Hong Kong, Day 1
Greetings from Marriott Renaissance in Kowloon, Hong Kong! So far so good in my travels. I know I’ve written about Shigella in Peru and Pot Leaf and Swiss Miss Packet wall-papered common rooms in a Kyoto hostal, but the first 24 hours in Hong Kong have been, actually, quite… well, fantastic!
I am here with my mother, which always lends itself to some interesting quotes… Some of the best so far:
“Now Remember, when I poke you, you’re supposed to look around for a weird-looking man.”
*”Shoot, I was too far away from you just now to poke you!”
*To the Chinese concierge: “Are there any restaurants that serve “NORMAL” food? Without weird stuff in it?”
*At the Cantonese restaurant: “No wonder everyone here is so thin.”
*At the Cantonese restaurant, after offering her some of my beef: “No, I’m sort of turned off to the whole idea of meat right now.”
So, my mom and I were leaving the Cantonese restaurant (hungry) and someone handed us a flyer for a 35 minute foot massage for $80 HK Dollars. Immediately, my sore feet smelled a bargain, so my mother and I followed this woman up this sketchy elevator, down a sketchier hall, and went into even a sketchier room with people getting their feet massaged. There was a shrine in the corner with red light bulbs and incense.
My mom was claiming she was just keeping me company, but once I mentioned that I would pay for her, her shoes came off and her feet went up on the ottoman. I stopped caring once the woman started going to town on my swollen feet for $11 US. Am I too good for a hole in the wall foot massage parlor? Apparently not.
In the mean time, we’re eating cashews for breakfast.
More to come.
A Fatwa on Business Casual!
My time of leisure is coming to an end. It’s ending along with my freedom of expression in my wardrobe. In just a few short weeks, I will have to go back to the world of blouses and trousers, and I’m furious. I’m happy to dress up, and I’m happy to wear jeans, it is the in-between world that I find simply offensive.
I am reminded of an episode of “Just Shoot Me” where Nina Van Horn’s (Wendie Malick) character declared: “Everyone is so quick to blame the absentee father, but let me tell you something: it’s casual wear that’s ruining this society.”
I refuse to buy a sweater set. I hope to have purchased my last pair of “sensible” dress shoes. So it is here and now that I say, loud and clear, “NO” to business casual. I defy my new employer to try and stop me. I will dress formally or casually, but anywhere in between is fashion no-man’s land. And I won’t do it.
So, below are some of my favorite “twists” on business casual:
Heeled, patent leather, croc-embossed boot.: If you must wear a pencil skirt, you need a pair of hooker boots, but abstain from the same old boots people have been wearing for seven years–the patent croc adds a sassy spin which render these acceptable.
Heeled, snakeskin peep-toe: If you must wear slacks, let THIS shoe be peaking out the bottom.
Feminine, shapely sweater: Throw away your twin sets. They do nothing for you. If you must wear a buttoned sweater, let it hug your figure, and let it have feminine details, like this little Nanette Lepore number.
Dress with feminine detailing: Good heavens, people, you’re still a woman. Don’t let Hillary Clinton be your fashion muse and fill your closet with pantsuits and trousers galore!
Wear a feminine suit: Not a boring one. Throw away all boring suits, I’m serious. Keep only those with something interesting and feminine. My theory is, if you dress above the dress code for a few days in a row, you buy yourself a day slightly BELOW the dress code, thereby avoiding Fashion No-man’s land: The Dreaded Business Casual.
A Casual, expressive and comfortable top: Vintage Fringe is chalk-full of cute, interesting casual tops that you could skate by with in a business casual environment if you buy yourself enough karma by dressing above the dress code as much.
Remember, you’re only allowed to go below dress code, if you prove that you can go above it, too. The key is avoiding a cuffed pant with a button down shirt or sweater set every day. That is what they expect you to wear, and that must be what you avoid. Good luck, my little army! Please help me in my crusade against the evils of business casual. Remember, the absentee father isn’t to blame!
Meltdown
Once again, the Chicago Cubs choked in the post season. Am I disappointed? Absolutely? Am I surprised? Not really. I’m used to it. Part of being a Cubs fan is accepting the curse.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the ways of the Cubs, let me explain the Curse. First of all, the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908. The Cubs enjoyed success until 1945. The Cubs were in the World series playing the Detroit Tigers. The owner of the Billy Goat Tavern, a Greek Immigrant named Billy Sianis, bought two tickets. One for himself, and one for his Billy Goat, Murphy. Upon entering the park, people were complaining about the smell, and Mr. Sianis appealed to the owner of the Cubs, P.K. Wrigley, who ordered that the goat was not welcome. At this point, Billy Sianis, RAISED HIS ARMS and pronounced this curse: “The Cubs ain’t gonna win no more. The Cubs will never win a World Series so long as the goat is not allowed in Wrigley Field.” The Cubs choked in that World Series and after they were swept at home the next year, at which point, Billy sent Mr. Wrigley a note that said, “Who stinks now?”
Cubs fans are used to this, but it’s starting to hurt to always say, “Next year will be our year.” After witnessing this post season against the Dodgers, even the least superstitious among us can’t help but remember the curse. Alas, being a Cubs fan means you don’t know success, and you are CONSTANTLY hoping for the future. “Someday we’ll go all the way”
Which brings me to our musical selection to commemorate this event. Eddie Vedder, the lead singer of Pearl Jam, is a Cubs fan and once met Ernie Banks. Mr. Banks didn’t know who Vedder was, but when he learned he was a musician, he asked him to write a song about the Cubs. And as Eddie explained at the concert, “When Ernie banks tells you to write a song, YOU WRITE A SONG!”
October 6, 2008 at 11:45 am lemare 5 comments