TV Watch

I’ve been a fan of Law & Order for about 15 years. In recent years the show has focused more on creating sensational and convoluted storylines, as opposed to the traditional “prosecute the killer for the crime” which has been it’s bread and butter. The season premiere last Friday was a further example of this unfortunate trend, providing misleading and incorrect information to frame prosecutions of Bush-era terror policies.

It takes all the real drama out of a murder investigations to have the prosecution based on memos.

Boring, and perhaps the first time that I have ever rooted against the prosecution.

Bloody Fantastic

Susan Boyle, the new hero of the “misunderestimated.” Go get ‘em, tiger.

Here’s the link since the video embedding’s been disabled.

Grocery Store Wars

At the beginning of the year, my grocery store broke up with me. It wasn’t planned. It was sudden, painful and frankly unnecessary. They had me at “hello” when as a preschooler, they let my class fieldtrip go behind the scenes and watch the bread bake and the sausage machine magically produce tubes of meat. As an adult, part of the draw for me was that it was always empty which of course turned out to be its downfall.

An uncommitted shopper with two tots in tow, I’ve wiped the slate clean and have ventured far and wide to claim a new store of my own. This period of time coincided with the last season of The Bachelor and I can’t help but compare myself to Jason Mesnick as he dealt with overly flirtateous and desperate women vying for his business.

Some of the grocery stores have been so aggressive in their courtship, it’s as uncomfortable as watching Jillian make out with Jason in the hot tub for 10 minutes of ABC prime time. When Safeway gives away four 12-packs of Diet Coke for $7, you feel a little unclean. When Shoppers Food Warehouse tosses free cereal boxes at you AND a coupon for $5 off a $15 purchase, you question your worth.

BJ’s, the poor man’s Costco, gave me over a year’s membership for half the price of a Costco renewal AND a membership for a friend. Harris Teeter has given me a coupon for the last twelve weeks for $10 off a purchase of $40 or more AND given my children free cookies and balloons on each visit. The only thing we’re missing is painted butterflies on our faces. And on it goes as I accumulate frequent shopper cards on my key chain and scope out my prospects.

Wegmann’s, the Rochester-based wonder chain, is the only one that’s played hard to get and I’ve fallen hard. Underground parking, double decker carts with seating for two, a functioning toy train track cascading above the dairy section, and pre-made meals to beat the band. They may be receiving the rose at the Final Rose Ceremony, but I trust in Jason’s example knowing I can always go back to Safeway if the first option falls through. All Wegmann’s has to do to seal the deal is open a child-care center like they offer in New York and I’m all theirs.

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 14: Demons Among Us

My previous post on the rampant TV-caused teenage pregancy caused me to investigate further the major perpetrators of the broader media-borne cultural malaise. For your consideration, the Demons Among Us:

This joker seems to play a notorious lothario on Gossip Girl. Whenever I see him I want to punch his smarmy face. Is he considered attractive with his greasy hair and retro-moneyed attire?

Many women seem to have forgotten the days when this guy had a head about 2 times too big for his body. Now we’re supposed to believe that he is “dreamy.” In reality, he seems more like one separated at birth.

Finally, the Shmonas Shmothers. I dain to mention their name. As this videographic evidence shows, there is myriad evidence as to the unsuitability of these children. Fey gesticulation, feminized voices, overly done coifs, and emasculated attire are all evidences of their perniciousness. As I often say, “Never trust a man in skinny jeans.” One more thing…they can’t sing, yet we are forcefed their mediocrity.

If I intend to provide an appropriate counterbalance to these lupus in ovis aries’ guise, and I do, there is one clear place to start the list of worthy men. These paragons require no embellishment:

Jack Bauer

Jonas Blaine/President Palmer

Jean-Luc Picard (I know…it’s been a while)

Who else makes the Man List?

The Following Post takes place between 11:10 and 11:13 AM

I was pleased to read this review of the 7th season premiere of 24. I’ve been a fan of the show since it began and had to agree that it had lost some of the intensity and enjoyment of the first seasons. Among the criticisms faced by the show during its run has been the depiction of tough interrogation tactics, not always on guilty persons. This season’s response?

The show’s creators have apparently found a delectable solution to their political problem — a hero who has seen the light, who also knows, nonetheless, that it, like all of his moral re-education, has nothing to do with the reality of fighting terrorism.

I’ve always enjoyed the element of realism provided in its moral quandries. Ugly stuff has to be done. Hopefully a Jack Bauer will be there when we need them.

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 12: Let’s Talk about Sex

Who doesn’t think of the immortal and saucily-named Salt-n-Pepa when they read the title of this chapter? I’ve always wondered how Spinderella felt, being relegated to the middle “n” position while Salt & Pepa had higher profile positions. She was definitely the hot one…but I digress.

I want to talk about sex. A recent study highlighted the following fact: Teens who take abstinence pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens that don’t. CNN broke it down for me just like that. According to a Johns Hopkins OBGYN, they seem to be “useless.” Fascinating…but there’s more.

William McGurn at the Wall Street Journal points out what may be deemed “the fine print.” The headlines mask the real message of the study:

The first to notice something lost in the translation was Dr. Bernadine Healy, the former head of both the Red Cross and the National Institutes of Health. Today she serves as health editor for U.S. News & World Report. And in her dispatch on this study, Dr. Healy pointed out that “virginity pledging teens were considerably more conservative in their overall sexual behaviors than teens in general — a fact that many media reports have missed cold.”

What Dr. Healy was getting at is that the pledge itself is not what distinguishes these kids from most other teenagers. The real difference is their more conservative and religious home and social environment. As she notes, when you compare both groups in this study with teens at large, the behavioral differences are striking. Here are just a few:

- These teens generally have less risky sex, i.e., fewer sexual partners.

- These teens are less likely to have a teenage pregnancy, or to have friends who use drugs.

- These teens have less premarital vaginal sex.

- When these teens lose their virginity they tend to do so at age 21 — compared to 17 for the typical American teen.

- And very much overlooked, one out of four of these teens do in fact keep the pledge to remain chaste — amid much cheap ridicule and just about zero support outside their homes or churches.

Let’s put this another way. The real headline from this study is this: “Religious Teens Differ Little in Sexual Behavior Whether or Not They Take a Pledge.”

 The doctor quoted is named Bernardine- no offense to the Bernardines out there, but I wonder what kind of an impact names have on sexual behavior? This could be another tool for parents concerned about preventing early sexual behavior. Name your child Pincus or Herpesia or Pedofile and they won’t lose their virginity for a long time- maybe never! Again I digress…must be the subject matter.

So as McGurn concludes (If I was him I would give my child the sex-proof name of Chlamydia McGurn) what is more critical is the broader belief set of the youth, more than any specific pledge. This jives with what we learned from previous studies, explained by ABCNews in 2006 (“Racy TV Shows Increase Teen Sex Activity, Study Says”) and CBSNews earlier this year (“Study: Racy TV Linked To Teen Pregnancy”).

Mere exposure to racy TV increases sexual activity, and may even get your daughter pregnant! As an advocate for individual rights I find myself troubled by what may be an effort to control what is on the tube. I can already see the TV rights slogan (modeled after the one used by gun owners): Racy TV Shows don’t get girls pregnant, seemingly polite boys who make bogus virginity pledges get girls pregnant.

Actually, these studies only demonstrate a correlation between sexual activity and risque television programs. As with the virginity pledge study discussed above, the headlines fail to address the sociological factors that affect a variety of choices, including what TV to watch. It just reveals the shocking truth that involved parenting and familial mores has a lot to do with a child’s behavior, sexual and otherwise.

But if you remain unconvinced, name your child Rapist Pervert {Last Name}, R.P for short, and make sure they only watch Veggietales. Better safe than sorry.

Lost has me Lost

I’m a neuvo Lostie.  Approximately 6 weeks ago, I decided I was going to make room in my life for Lost, and make room I did.  Each season is 24 episodes of close to an hour in length (I hope all of you will be as blessed as I by enjoying all four seasons for free on abc.com).  I averaged about a season per week.  It was dedication like many of you have never seen.  It was really something special.

So tonight was my first night of a live viewing and I was so excited, my friend and I planned this elaborate treat.  Yes, that’s right, berry blue jello with swedish fish and gummy sharks swimming around and banana pudding in the middle as the island.  A lime cut up and perched on a cinnamon stick as a palm tree and little all spice balls as coconuts.  Mint Sprigs as jungle (where the others hide).

Needless to say, the pina coladas were poured, the mango salsa and lime chips were ready to go, and we were all braced to enjoy the season finale (and my first live episode) of Lost.

Lost lost me tonight.

(Spoiler Alert):  Any of you Losties out there care to pontificate about it?  Who is Jack’s dad, anyway?  How is Jack going to con all the other Oceanic 6 to go back to the Island?  Why did Future Kate become so melodramatic?  And what did John Locke do to become “he who must not be named”?  What is the smoke monster anyway?  Could the scene moving the island have been any more lame?

I welcome this comment section as a forum for frank and honest Lost discussion.

Happy Christmas

I happened upon this video, which hits several key points:

Hasselhoff Cameo…check

1980’s kitschy TV show…check

G.O.B. as the voice of K.I.T.T…check

Chance I will be watching? 100%

The Hoff rides again!

This is a bit outside of what I intend to post here on IRF, but it seemed appropriate:

 

David Hasselhoff is in talks to appear on NBC’s “Knight Rider,” reprising his role as Michael Knight from the original series.

 

Can anything keep The Hoff down? Apparently not. Read this for more.  

[full disclosure: Lowdogg has owned and enjoyed both a Knight Rider three-wheeler and Knight Rider bicycle]

Guest Post: Notes from the Field Part II

The second part in a series of correspondence received from a (sister)/sister missionary in L.A., who is bound to become a stalwart contributor to IRF upon her return home in February 2008.

From an e-mail entitled, “Answer: What is the Best Preparation Day of my Rumpled Life?”

Today I asked Alex Trebec, of Jeopardy, a question that stumped him, then he gave me an answer, warmed up to me and shot me a smile.

Today my zone went to Jeopardy (a connection from a Hollywood Ward member). i had the time of my life. We watched three thrity-minute segments get made that will air December 17th. The contestants were fascinating, one must pass a lengthy test to even be able to get onto the show. We were VIP guests, so we got front and center seats. I will most definitely be on television. During down-time, we were encouraged to ask Alec questions. he enjoys some light mingling with his guests. We were warned not to answer questions out loud, by Jonny (picture an elderly, tucked, man in a red button down underneath a beige satin jacket which read Johhnny on the front, and Jeopardy on the back, no doubt a clever Christmas cast gift for him from the 80s). If any of us spoke, they would have to pick another question. Apparently Alex Trebec does not like to be asked how old he is (he’s been tucked…), or how much money he makes. Soooo… OTHER than that, we could ask him any question.

Alex waltzed over to us, looked at us with confusion (we had removed our name tags) and said, “You’re from an organization. Let me see if I can guess…Hmm. Mormon missionaries!” Alex, mind you, has a very dry sense of humor. The kind of creativity that flows from the rock of manic depression. One woman asked him, “How do you stay so fit!?” Response? I drink. Another guest asked, “Why did you shave your mustache?” “I felt like it. Just like my Mother.” Alec’s tongue is sharper than the guillotine! I thought I better not get my rumpled fingers near his blade!

A few segments later, i mustered up some courage to ask a question. I proceeded to ask, “Which modern invention do you feel we would be better off without?” Alex looked like he had just been doused with a super soaker water gun. He went speechless. The audience fell dead silent. He started to pace, back turned to the crowd. “Hhhhmmm,” he pondered. “I have never even considered such a thing…” He paused over the crew table and said “Well, having two teenagers I would say the cell phone, but I see its necessity. Hmmm.” After a few more awkward seconds (which in TV time is about an hour), he said “I’ll have to think about it and I’ll let you know before the end of the day.” Another segment later, Alex went to his private quarters for a wardrobe change, and I knew, serious contemplation. My missionary friend turned around and said, “You stumped Alex Trebec!”

Segments more passed, he walked back tot the crowd to answer more questions, shoot some more people down, then before turning to the stage he looked me dead in the eye. I slightly ascended heavensward in my seat. He then flipped around, like a young sassy super model taking her first turn on the catwalk, looked at me and said, “The electric can opener.” He coyly smiled like a fourteen year old girl in her first pair of high heels walking past construction workers.
i raised my soft arm and pointed straight to him. He said, “My house has had an electric can opener built in to the kitchen for seventeen years, and it has never worked. I have to use the old hand job, the manual.”

Later on in the show Alex asked us some useless questions about “the gold man on top of the Temple” and the price of BYU tuition. Then I shot him another question. i asked him which career he would pick for his teenagers. More contemplation. he then told me that Emily, 17 has a knack for design, she’s organized, she would make a good architect, and Matthew, 16, has none of those things, but he is build like a rock. He had encouraged him to be a telemarketer, so that he could experience what it feels like to have someone hang up on you over dinner. (“Serve a mission!” I thought quietly.)