Posts filed under 'The Single Life'
The Single Life: Date Essays
13 comments July 16, 2008
The Single Life – Address Book Trollers
I am sharing you the story of a friend. I am sharing this so all you married readers can count your blessings and all you single readers will have your jaws drop in indignancy.
Yes, that’s right folks. He asked her to dinner over a text, when she asked for a raincheck, he admits that he was just address book trolling, and denies her request. UNBELIEVABLE. May he burn in hell, whoever he is.
6 comments June 5, 2008
We could all learn a thing or two…
What won’t Cal Berkeley provide with us? If not people protesting internet censorship in China and throwing red paint at Soccer Moms SUV’s, now they are providing us with research that could change our lives.
It’s true, there is more than meets the eye when it comes to Octupus sex, and I think that we humans could learn a thing or two.
1. ”Males prefer large females,” Caldwell said. “If you’re going to invest in guarding, you want to get the most bang for your buck.” (If we were Octupuses, I would’t have to waste money on my pesky personal trainer or say “I’ll pass” when the dessert menu comes by.
2. “It was very common to have a very large male next to a large female,” Huffard said. “He could give her his sperm without leaving his den, and she didn’t leave hers. Nobody has to give up their apartment.” (Well, this is just plain genius. Men don’t have to put up with women nagging them about helping out around the house and women don’t have to deal with the ineveitable black leather recliner and enormous TV that wreak of testosterone).
Octupus sex. I like the way they think.
2 comments April 20, 2008
The Case For Settling
My friend sent me this article “Marry Him!” today… While the single life has been discussed in jest in this venerable forum for issue facing both single men and single women. This article casts aside the jokes we all make about being on the mature side of single. Lori Gottleib says, “
Whether you acknowledge it or not, there’s good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do! or Maybe this year I’ll marry Todd. I’m not getting any younger! The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long, not because we find these sentiments funny, but because we’re awkwardly acknowledging how unfunny they are. At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle?
She goes on to say:
As I looked at him from across the table, I thought, Yeah, I’ll see him again. Maybe I can settle for that. But my very next thought was, Maybe I can settle for better. It’s like musical chairs—when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you’re not left standing alone?
Ms. Gottleib’s article’s thesis is trying to encourage younger single women to settle. Why YOUNGER single women, you ask?
Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they’re ready to have a family, they’ll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.
It is an interesting and depressing article written from a woman 10+ years my senior to women my age. And while depressing and a seemingly repugnant thought, I can’t help but see the logic. What do you all think? Not just limited to the single IRF readers… I thought this would get some good discussion going.
7 comments February 18, 2008
Because I want to Kick it
I had the pleasure of spending some time with my cousin the last couple of days, whom we will hitherto refer to as C-dub. C-dub is a friend of JL’s from school, and a LIFELONG friend of Joe Miller. This story never fails to amaze me. It also makes me want to invest in pharmaceutical companies.
C-dub was dating this young chippy (whom I never met as I was already in Big Oil) but JL and Joe Miller both had the pleasure. The relationship lasted about 7 months, but C-dub wasn’t that into it, so Chippy broke up with him. It happens. Nothing crazy yet.
Until one week later, in the periodicals section of the library, C-dub sees Chippy, and approaches her to say hello (and basically confirm that they are going to still be friends). He never got to that question. Chippy YELLS in the library, “STOP TRASHING MY NAME TO EVERYONE!” and storms out. Eyes are all on C-dub, as they try to figure out what he possibly did to this quite vocal girl. C-dub gets out to follow her, and she walks back in, and pulls C-dub between the book shelves and starts, what may be, the most classic breakup rant of all time: “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOUR FACE! I HATE YOUR VOICE! I NEVER LOVED YOU! I’VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ALL THESE OTHER GUYS THIS PAST WEEK AND AM HAVING WAY MORE FUN WITH THEM THAN I EVER HAD WITH YOU!” And this went on for 3-5 minutes, when C-Dub finally said, “Yeah, I’ve been hanging out with other girls this week and feel the same way.” So she goes to SLAP him. The one and only time a girl has tried to slap C-Dub, and he PROUDLY blocked it (genetically our family is quite gifted. We have catlike reflexes). The block made her furious and she stormed off.
One week later, he sees her on campus, Chippy approaches him and says, “You know why I’m looking at your crotch?” C-dub can’t believe what he’s hearing… she continues, “BECAUSE I WANT TO KICK IT!” Oh man, who else can I use this most CLASSIC line on? My old landlord? Lots of people from Big Oil, naturally.
And then, a few days later, he sees her outside of the biology building and at this point, she has heard that when C-dub was contemplating the demise of their relationship, he made a list of reasons to break up. She wanted this list and was CONVINCED that it was in a binder in C-Dub’s back-pack. So all 5′2″ of her JUMPS on C-dub’s back, trying to BODY TACKLE HIM to get the backpack, hence the piece of paper, but C-dub does NOT fall to the ground, and her whole psychotic campus body-tackle attempt was all for naught.
I reminded C-dub that the college years are when most mental illness sets in. Regardless, this girl has something the rest of us will NEVER have: kahones enough to tell a man she’s looking at his crotch because she wants to kick it.
Posted by LeMare
30 comments November 6, 2007
Craigslist Gold-digger
To think the only post I’ve ever made on Craigslist was as pedestrian as selling couches. A young 25 year old girl wants a man… and she wants him rich… and she wants him, apparently, without a prenup. Thanks to Critts for bringing this to our attention!
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level? Here are my questions specifically:- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
*it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
11 comments October 10, 2007
Skeletons in my bed
Last time I ventured back to my parents house and spent the night in my childhood bedroom, I found that my mom had added a decorative detail to my bed…
That’s right. A needlepoint pillow depicting a female skeleton on a park bench with the caption, “Waiting For Mr. Right.”
She thinks it’s hilarious. I’m still trying to figure out why.
Posted by LeMare
26 comments September 13, 2007
