Miller Monday – Week 2 – Nightmare on Lost Trail Drive

April 23, 2007 at 11:51 am 4 comments

I will have to be honest; I have not slept very well the past few nights.  My mind has been tortured by a terrifying creature, the likes of which have never been seen before.  I am deeply troubled.  There is no Bastian of Sanctity to which I can run.  There has been no reprieve.  Every troubled moment of the past few days has been fraught with episodic flashbacks of something which, I’m sure Manny of you, wish you had never seen. I speak of Manny. 

Dude, that thing is freaky!  Every stage of her incubation just a little scarier than the last.  People shouldn’t be allowed to create such things.  How would you like it if I created a beast of mythical proportions and then plastered it all over our blog?    Behold, the ShatnHoff  

Or should it be the HoffnShat?  Can anybody imagine the pure awesomeness of ‘Jurassicparking’ some DNA from both William Shatner as well as David Hasselhoff and impregnating some frogspawn?  This brings me to the point (or lack thereof) of my current posting.  The great debate, who is more awesome, Hasellhoff or Shatner? 

Acting Ability

Michael Knight vs. James Tiberius Kirk.  Actually that ain’t much of a battle.   Let’s make this a little more interesting.  Michael Knight vs. one TJ Hooker.  That’s more like it.  Ok, so now that I am imagining them in their respective roles, I am going to have to say that Hasselhoff comes out on top.  They are both way over the top, but the way that the Hoff literally makes the camera melt with those subtle eye gestures seems to sway me in his direction.  In fact, the fact that Shatner has won both a Golden Globe and an Emmy only sway me more towards Hasselhoff.

Point: Hasselhoff 

Physical Strength

In my minds eye a fight between Hasselhoff and Shatner would start out with both of them being prepped by their respective coaches.  Hasselhoff would be looking in a mirror and plucking out any unwanted eyebrow hairs.  Shatner on the other hand would be intensely staring down his opponent.  One the bell rings, I would guestimate that Shatner would immediately attempt to drill the Hoff below the belt.  Once on the ground, the Hoff would have to resort some awesome kung-fu type missile kicks to the face… oh, who am I kidding?  This would totally end up in a draw. 

Mental Prowess

This is another tough one.  Neither of these two champions could even get a spot on celebrity jeopardy.  I think I might lean towards Shatner here because I surmise that he at least knows that he is a total fraud.  In my opinion Shatner gets the fact that he is a B rate actor but is riding it all the way to the bank.  I’m not sure if Hasselhoff gets that yet.  True, that is what makes him so loveable, but at the same time it isn’t putting any points up on the board for him.  Point: Shatner 


Before any of you immediately award this point to the Hoff, lets examine the physique.   

Summation:  Tie. 


I love the fact that Hasselhoff hasn’t had a break since about 1986.  Any normal person would have realized how washed up they are long before Hasselhoff.  The nail in the coffin would have been the role as judge on
America’s got Talent for any normal human being.  Rather than say that Hasselhoff is not normal I am going to chalk it up to the fact that he is not human being (either that or he watched too much of the Neverending Story in 1984 as well).  On the flip side, every time I turn on the TV I see Shatner pimping some new product.  We are all laughing at him, but Shatner doesn’t seem to mind.  I kind of admire that.  However just because Priceline loves you doesn’t really make you successful, so I am going to have to rule this one a tie as well.
 Ok, let’s tally the votes.  One point Shatner.  One point Hasselhoff.  So there you have it, Hasselhoff and Shatner, equal in awesomnimity.  OK, I think I might have to recuse myself because I don’t think I can honestly come up with a winner here.  I will, however honor any vote that is cast for either of these two titans.   So cast a vote.  If not I will sick Manny on you. 

Yours truly, 

Joe Miller


Entry filed under: Celebrities, David Hasselhoff, Miller Monday.

Etiquette Epiphany: Coat Checks A Sitting Duck Mullet

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lemare  |  April 23, 2007 at 12:48 pm

    The Hoffenshat TERRIFIES me. Much more than Manny.

    But I will cast my vote for The Hoff. And the You Tube video of “Jump in my car” is a deciding factor.

  • 2. Joe Lowry  |  April 23, 2007 at 2:37 pm

    I am in the Shatner camp. Long after the ashes of the Hoff are dust in the wind, Shatner will be making us cringe with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and Rocketman, in his singspeak style.

    I love the Hoff, but Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan has so many fantastic moments


    With his puffy hair bouncing in rage.

    Plus, not only does Priceline love Shatner, he made a ton of moneyt by accepting stock in lieu of cash, much of which he sold pre-dot-com bust, so he gets a bonus point for business sense.

    I say it must be called the ShatnHoff

  • 3. Beth  |  April 23, 2007 at 5:54 pm

    I’m going to have to cast my vote for the Hoff. I can’t really explain why besides the fact that I really liked Night Rider when I was little. Did you know that “Jump in my car” is Germany’s new national anthem 😉

  • 4. Amy Miller  |  May 7, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    I don’t know, it is a tough call between the “Hoff” and the “Shat.” I do prefer that my men be from the planet earth and not share outer space with a bunch of Klingons wearing tights. Cast one vote for the man we watched for years running on the beach, half naked, saving innocent lives of random people getting caught in the sewer drains at the beach. Sure I’ll jump in your car!


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