Miller Monday – Confessions pt. 1

May 7, 2007 at 2:20 pm 5 comments

Each and every one of us has a guilty musical pleasure that we secretly hide away in the darkest corridor of our closet.  Well, today, mine is coming out of the closet.  Ok, America, you asked for it.  I will no longer bask in secrecy.  Its time that I leveled with my friends and family who I know will accept me the way that I am.   Here it is:  I, Joseph Donald Miller really love some gay music.  I have struggled for years with this addiction, and its time that you knew.  While driving to work today I cranked Erasure.  It just felt good.  It felt right. 

Now I am in now way shape or form a homosexual.  I am happily married with a one year old son.  I am not attracted to men in any way shape or form.  But some of the music I listen to you would make you doubt the veracity of my past few statements.  I am not offering this as an apology.  I know that this is not a decision I have made consciously but rather something I was born with.   Yes, I was born loving really gay music.  I am now an overtly public Fan of Androgynously Gay Music.  America, I am a total Fagm.

Some people say that the music you love is merely a factor of your environment. 

“Why everyone knows that Southerners love their Lynyrd Skynyrd.  There is something about being from the South that makes you love your Skynyrd.”  

Pure poppycock!  I am not doubting that there is an intense love of Freebird in the southern states.  But in my opinion it is purely the product of intense inbreeding of diehard Skynyrd fans.  It’s the same thing with those sorry souls who fell in love at Menudo concerts years and years ago.  You can hardly blame their sordidly retarted children for buying Jennifer Lopez albums.

While still struggling with my fagm-ness I perused through my parents old record collections.  I wanted to know why I was born this way.  I started with my mothers collection first.  It was a painful experience.  It was Carpenters record after Carpenters record and my eyes began to water.  I hoped against hope that I would find a good Iron Maiden record in my Dad’s record collection.  At first it seemed pretty standard, Paul Simon, Jim Croce, and The Beatles.  And then I saw it.  A Billy Joel record.  That’s what did it.  That was the straw that broke the camels back and made me a Fagm.  I don’t blame my parents.  There is nothing wrong with being a Fagm.  I am proud to stand tall as a proud representative of the Fagm Nation.  I long for the day when more of us will stand together and chant:  “We’re here.  We love our music queer.  So get used to it!”   

You know, we, the members of the Fagm nation, don’t ask for much.  We only want what the rest of you have and enjoy.

1)      Equal play time on the radio — I don’t mind having your Linkin Park on the radio, so long as you have to listen to a little early Depeche Mode right afterwards.  Its only fair that we have equal radio time.  It doens’t matter that you are the majority.  What matters is that we, as a minority, have a voice and we want it stuffed down your throat.

2)      We want you to acknowledge that Gay music is just as good as Straight music.  We don’t want you to admit this so much because you feel it is our ‘choice’ to like gay music.  We want you to admit that we can’t help it.  We were born this way.  This will make us feel better about ourselves.

3)      We want people to experiment with this kind of music.  We want to break down all social taboos and allow even very small children to be exposed to the work of George Michael (post Faith George Michael).  No pun intended.  Gay music history should be taught to all children in our public schools.  This will increase ‘Awareness.’

4)      We want to change the constitution.  I think that Fagms should be a ‘protected’ class.  We don’t want to simply enjoy our music within the constraints of our own homes.  We want public recognition.  What better way then to add a new constitutional amendment ratifying our right to like this kind of music.  After all, liking gay music is unalienable right that every person is born with regardless of race, color, creed, or sexual orientation.

I just want to thank all of the love and support I have received from people out there who are just like me and from those friends and family who have chosen to accept me the way that I am.  This has been a painful but cathartic process for me and my family.  I know that I will sleep better tonight knowing that this heavy burden has been lifted from my chest.

Yours truly,

Joe Miller

Entry filed under: Miller Monday, Music.

Spiderman 3/Office Connection Bathing Suit Season

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lemare  |  May 7, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    Joe Miller. I was with you when you purchased Air Supply’s Greatest Hits. And I stood by you when all our friends disowned us for singing along… “The beating of my heart is a drum, and it’s lost, and it’s looking for a rhythym like you!”

  • 2. Lowdogg  |  May 7, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    I love Erasure.

  • 3. TRussell  |  May 7, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    How can I explain this coming out when there are few words to choose? Togher we’ll break these chains of bigotry.

  • 4. Amy Miller  |  May 7, 2007 at 11:08 pm

    I just want to testify that in fact my husband is a total Fagm.

  • 5. Lindsay  |  May 11, 2007 at 12:16 pm

    Oh my gosh! I love Erasure and the Carpenters!


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