Myrt’s Blurts: Dos and Don’ts

May 9, 2007 at 7:19 pm 9 comments

Dos and Don’ts
Volume I: Cars

The list could go on and on, but for now, I’m keeping it to things I’ve seen in the last few months. 

Personalized license plates: Don’t. I hope never to be in the same room with you, GASMAN 67.

Decals: Don’t. Putting two decals of naked women with their hair blowing in the wind on the back windows of your SAV (sexual assault vehicle): bad. Screwing on a Jesus Fish no more than 2 feet from them? Even worse. 

Speaking of Jesus fish: Finding a Jesus fish magnet at the dollar store, putting it on your husband’s car as a joke, enjoying the month it takes for him to find it? Do. Definitely do. 

Riding down the road on a motorcycle with a T-shirt that reads, “If you can read this, the bitch fell off:” Do. Hey, there comes a time when one should embrace the WT. 

Bumper stickers: Don’t. But I must admit, I do get enjoyment out of a few. Seeing “I Love Porn” and “Jesus, protect me from your followers” on the same car made my day. Another classic: “We have enough youth; how about a fountain of smart?” And this one might get me into trouble, but I’m willing to risk it since it’s been two years since I first saw it, and I’m still laughing:



Entry filed under: Commentary, Myrt's Blurts, Random.

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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. JL  |  May 9, 2007 at 9:35 pm

    The bumper sticker standout seared in my memory from 1999: A pale, red-headed, freckled, overweight 16-ish year old in a beat-up white Brady bunch wagon with “GIVE UP DA BOOTY” centered on his back windshield.

  • 2. lemare  |  May 9, 2007 at 9:41 pm

    BMW license plate “UP MARKET” lives in my building. I throw up a little bit in my mouth every time I see it.

  • 3. lemare  |  May 9, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    Oh, and my brother said a woman at church just moved in had an enormous sticker the size of the entire rear window that says!” “I LOVE NAPERVILLE YARD SALES!” Since we’ve lived there since ’80 and never seen this sticker, and the woman had just moved in from Texas days before, we were left to conclude that she got it specially made, and probably before she even had moved to Naperville.

  • 4. Jdon  |  May 10, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    Whenever I see a car with a bumpersticker I praise the Lord above. Nothing could be a clearer indication that in no way, shape, or form would I ever get along with someone who puts a 35 cent decal on a thousand dollar investment. Its a clear litmus test for friendship in my book.

  • 5. Kerry  |  May 10, 2007 at 2:12 pm

    How the heck do you keep seeing 8 digit license plates, lemare! While I find the ones you posted absolutely hilarious (especially the Gasman 67!), I thought that plates can only hold 7 letters/numbers? Have I been mislead all these years?

  • 6. lemare  |  May 10, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    Must be UP MARKT or something to that effect. Thank goodness you can have only seven. That extra digit would give the personalizers so much more freedom.

  • 7. Lindsay  |  May 11, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Someone explain that last sticker to me.

  • 8. Lindsay  |  May 11, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    Never mind. Got it (with a little help from LeMare).

  • 9. Personalized Plates #1: UP MRKT 2 « In Rare Form  |  September 28, 2007 at 1:30 am

    […] 28, 2007 Myrtle brought up some upsetting experienced with personalized plates and I commented about the man who lives in my building with the most pretentious license plate.  […]


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