Miller Monday – Heaven help us!

May 11, 2007 at 1:43 pm 3 comments

I will admit that I was quite spoiled as a child.  Every Sunday morning I knew I could walk down to get the newspaper and dive in to the funny pages and actually get “funny” “pages”.  The comics section is so poor now that it makes me weep.  There isn’t one comic that is comical.  This really stings me.  Last year I was so put out that I read the funnies every single day for three months.  Frankly, the only comic that was able to bring a smile to my face was Mary Worth.

Some of you may not remember the Far Side, Calvin and Hobbs, Bloom County, or Peanuts (in its prime).  For those of us who do, Broom Hilda is nothing but a slap in the face.  Its not that Beetle Bailey was ever funny or that Hagar the Horrible has ever not lived up to his name.  It’s just that when placed next to a Calvin and Hobbs even the terrible comics seemed a little bit better (I’m talking to you Wizard of Id).

What really chaps my hide is Scott Adams’ monstrosity of a creation – Dilbert.  I have never read something so consistently unfunny.  Day in and day out he writes the same cartoon over and over and over.  Its not that he doesn’t slightly change anything.  He will on ocassion change the scenery or he might add a new character (usually an animal with word “bert” tacked on the ending).  However there is one thing that he will never change.  It’s the punch-line people!  How many times can you laugh at the same punch-line?  We get it.  The boss is really dumb.  We get it, alright! 

Dilbert gives stupid people the chance to pretend that they are in fact smarter than the person they are working for.  You know, the person went to school 10-15 years longer than you, has 30-40 years more experience than you, has three or four titles behind his or her name that you don’t even understand, and makes really hard difficult decisions that you never knew about.  I’m glad Dilbert makes you feel smarter than that person.  Unfortunately for you, you aren’t.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Dilbert makes people feel better about themselves and everything, but can we move it to the self-help section of the newspaper and take it out of the funnies?  It is an embarrassment.  That’s it.  If Scott Adams can get constant laughs day in and day out with the same recycled copy machine humor, I figure that I can give it a try.


First we need a blank four caption cell.

Step One 


Now we need to come up with a punch-line.  Ok, lets put it to the test.  Come on Scott Adams, don’t fail me now.

Step Two


Now lets put a bunch of drawings in our cells.  Don’t spend a lot of time making your drawings look good.  Scott Adams sure doesn’t.  I guess its funny to put the ending “bert” after all your characters.  Look I made a character named ‘Duckbert.’  That has to be funny, huh Scott?

Step 3


Now just add a bunch of text, it really doesn’t matter what it says.  You already have the punch-line.

Step 4 – Final Step


Anyone who actually laughs at this kind of crap should be punished, am I’m talking stuck in an elevator with Al Gore and John Kerry punished.  Its about time that we as Americans stood up to the man and shoved this kind of boring comic right back in the publishers face.  I fear that we have lowered our comic standards to an all time low and I have no idea how we are ever going to raise the bar.  Just about any kindergartener can scribble on a page and get it published.  Gary Larson where are you?  Watterson, please come back? Snoopy come home?  And please come soon.  I dont know how much more Mary Worth I can possibly tolerate.

Your truly,


Joe Miller


Entry filed under: Miller Monday.

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mike  |  May 11, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    haha, i think that by pasting that picture of optimus prime in there you probably spent more time on your comic than scott adams spends in a week.

    You also forgot one key element to Dilbert humor; his tie is always wacky and seemingly curves in the shape of a “J”. Oh, Dilbert.

  • 2. Hava Lyon  |  May 11, 2007 at 6:45 pm

    LOL! I loved your comic strip. You could give Scott a run for his money. My husband loves Transformers and says you get an extra gold star on your forehead for putting Optimus Prime in there. 😉


  • 3. Amy Miller  |  May 17, 2007 at 5:13 pm

    I like the part when you said you were “spoiled”. 🙂


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