Orlando Bloom….sex symbol or sexually confused?…

May 29, 2007 at 11:55 am 12 comments

As my first course of action as an intern I would like to address a topic that has been plauging me since the year 2001. This topic is Orlando Bloom. I’ve pondered this man’s star power ever since he emerged on the scence as the pixie elf in “The Lord of the Rings” with platnium locks and cunning arrow skills. To me he looked more like a girl in an advertisment for Pantene Provine than the sex symbol that had all the girls in my 8th grade class all a buzz. At the time I merely passed him off as “a phase” that would come and go with time. I thought that for sure people would realize that he was nothing more than a high pitched soprano with a little body and even littler acting talent. But as the years have progressed I have been shocked and dismayed to realize that Orlando Bloom is no passing phase, but he is a legitimate male star that has gone on to play the romantic lead in box office films. I am confused by this. Why am I the only person who sees Orlando for what he is….a feminine sissy boy, who as far as I’m concerned is built up full of estrogen rather than testosterone. Why are women attracted to this and further more why on earth is this man allowed to be in action films such as “Pirates of the Carribean?” I admit like all my other fellow Americans I’ve seen the trilogy and in the parts where Orlando is swingin’ a sword and standing next to Johnny Depp it is down right embaressing. I mean really…are we as an audience suppose to take this mangirl seriously? I mean the man is 5’11 but looks like he’s weighing in around 130. He is forced to date fetuses like Kate Bosworth because that’s the only way he will ever appear to be the man in any relationship. I don’t mean to sound harsh….well maybe I do….but I miss the days when real men dominated the screen. I mean does anyone remember Rock Hudson? There was a man who batted for the other team but was still viewed as 6 feet and 5 inches of opportunity to every woman that laid her eyes on him. He was a real man. It didn’t matter that he was gay and that women were about as appealing to him as a diet is to a fat man, all because he knew how to act. Everytime you watch him in “Pillow Talk” you think you’re watching a real live hetero playboy conquering conquest after conquest. Unfortunately our dear Orlando does not possess the same hunky qualities. All I ask is that America wises up to what a real man star is. I will not ask this of Europe seeing as how they do not know any better because unfortuantely that’s all they have to work with (of course Jean-Claude Van Damme is the glorious exception). But America should know better.. It’s time we stop supporting mangirls as our leading guys and demand men where there is no question that they are in fact men. This is all I ask. 


Entry filed under: Celebrities, Commentary, Film, Fun Time Nicki, Pop Culture.

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12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. JL  |  May 29, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    Orlando Bloom is indeed a girly man whose appeal I don’t understand. Any man who has a smaller waist than the average skinny dame doesn’t deserve leading man status!

  • 2. lemare  |  May 29, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    Ladies, ladies, let’s not be too harsh, afterall, any woman would KILL for his bone structure… the high cheek bones, the long lashes, the soft skin…

  • 3. jdon  |  May 29, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    I’d make out with him and I’m no Rock Hudson!

  • 4. Ricky  |  May 29, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    Amen to this, what happened to our sylvester stallones?

  • 5. Lowdogg  |  May 29, 2007 at 5:05 pm

    John Rambo is coming out sometime soon. I saw a long clip Stallone had reached and it looks absurdly violent. It made me feel like a kid again.

  • 6. lemare  |  May 29, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    I long for a time (to quote from a family friend), when “Men were men and everyone else was nervous.”

  • 7. funtimenicki  |  May 30, 2007 at 4:40 pm

    Well said lemare

  • 8. Rob  |  November 12, 2007 at 2:13 am

    He’s playing as an elf. If you had any idea of Tolkienist fantasy you’d realize they’re supposed to be fair and androgynous. A lot of chicks dig that too. If you’re suffering from testosterone poisoning you may have trouble understanding this.

  • 9. lowdogg  |  November 12, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    I love it when people comment on blogposts that are 6 months old.
    So timely!

    The Orlando Bloom fan club must be trolling the interwebs looking for disparaging comments about their love.

  • 10. Lukas  |  June 1, 2008 at 3:41 am

    Of course you are entitled to your opinion as am I, but I’m sorry sweetheart, honestly. Orlando is indeed amazingly handsome and masculine.
    With his dark hair and lovely chocolate eyes and fit body he’s the fantasy of many a female and male.
    Just because a man is secure in his masculinity enough to be sensitive doesn’t mean he’s a “sissy” as you so eloquently put it.
    Do you regard men only as men when they are tall, burly, and look like they have taken steroids for far too long? Slender, soft men like Orlando have a certain elegance and grace that extremely muscled men could never achieve.
    America is so blinded as to what real beauty is that it has no right to say anything on the subject. Hollywood is riddled with anorexics and dangerous diets and cosmetic surgery. How is that beauty?
    Indeed I am biased since Orlando is my favourite actor but it angers me that you would attack that type of man so violently.
    A real man should be based on how he treats others; his family, friends, lovers and how he governs his life. Not on how muscled or fit he is.
    Your title of this entry . . . I’d like to know what that means exactly because it seems to me that you are adverse to people who are bisexual? You should broaden your horizons.
    Forgive me if I made the wrong assumption.

  • 11. Inadeofegef  |  October 28, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    hmm interesting site. Tell me about my expensive limits Good joke 🙂 What do you call a dumb balloon? An air head.

  • 12. Tehlor Anderson  |  May 30, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    did you really mention Van Damme in a positive light in the same blog as you are acidly criticizing someone for their inability to act?


    I’m not even really a fan of Bloom’s work, but he has been in a few films that have been entertaining… and I’ve never noticed his acting to be ridiculously bad.

    On the other hand, I heartily agree with you on the Rock Hudson stuff….

    but Rambo? now there’s an example of acting at it’s finest. (I hear sarcasm is extremely sexy to willowy “sissy” boys…. I’ll decide if I’m interested when the offers come rolling in)


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