Miller Monday – Paris Hilton Naked

June 4, 2007 at 1:42 pm 8 comments

Here at IRF I think it is important that we give our readers what they want.  And it would seem from the way so many people stumble onto our blog, what our readers really want are stories of Paris Hilton as well as more “onion booty”.   I intend to give our readers just what they want for today only.   

Actually, the idea of me writing about Paris Hilton with her clothes off should be a jail able offense in itself, so I intend to only half deliver on my above statement.  Today is the big day when PH enters the slammer.  Personally I think this is just wrong.  Again, I am all for accountability and all that jazz, but I think throwing Paris to the dogs is just plain stupid.  I find it a little irresponsible for the system to lock up Paris for something as minor as reckless driving.  I know she was technically drunk at the time, but honestly people, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  The truth is, our prisons should be reserved for crummy low life scum that do not deserve to be roaming the streets.  I personally don’t feel any safer at night knowing that Paris Hilton is sleeping in a cement cell.  I say let Paris Hilton walk.   Many of you may be surprised by the fact that I am sticking up for Paris Hilton.  Normally I don’t stick my neck out for anyone, but Paris Hilton is different.  You see, everyday when I come home from work I know that I can count on two things:

1)      Dinner with the Cap’N

2)     Paris Hilton on the E! channel

Can someone explain to me what in the world my wife is going to watch when I come home exhausted after a hard days worth of work?  Answer me that flawed judicial system?  No one seems to care  that by throwing Paris Hilton in jail you will be making my life, as well as the lives of millions of male Americans a little bit harder.  My wife might actually want to have a  conversation with me.  Since it has been years since we actually talked,  the prospect of having to come up with something clever to say to my wife is a frightening prospect at best.   What are we supposed to talk about?  I know nothing of Tom Cruise or Lindsay Lohan.  I have relied on Paris Hilton for so long that I just don’t know what to do without her.  So please, Governor Schwarzenegger, I plead for clemency on behalf of every male in America.  Can’t we just forgive and forget? Lets just let it slide.  In fact, I say that Paris Hilton should walk around with a free pass.  Her life has become so entertaining to Americans everywhere that I think she should be given free reign to do whatever she wants, so long as it keeps my wife in the living room and out of my life.    As for Onion Booty, I’m not quite sure what to say.  It sounds like an Arsenio Hall-ism that should have died in 1991, but since it seems to get IRF fans all riled up I have come up with what I believe might be just what you are looking for. Please click here.

Sincerely, 

Joe Miller

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Entry filed under: Celebrities, Current Events, Miller Monday, Pop Culture.

IRF Weekly Wrap-up Weight Ain’t Nothing but a Number

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lemare  |  June 4, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Leave it to Joe Miller to bait the sickos on google with one of their favorite search terms… and then they will realize that your post is really about E! and Captain Crunch.

    Reply
  • 2. JL  |  June 4, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    LeMare, that’s the beauty of Miller Mondays in a nutshell: baiting his opponents and one-upping them with a few strokes of the keyboard. Single-handedly, Joe Miller is taking over the world with his viewpoint. Before you know it, Iraq will be blown to smithereens and Erasure will be playing in elevators across the country.

    Reply
  • 3. jdon  |  June 4, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    I assure you both, that my intentions are far less profound than you make them sound.

    Reply
  • 4. funtimenicki  |  June 4, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    Now I’m personally all for Paris in the slammer. I’m still secretly hoping it’s a reality show that will be coming to Fox in the fall. We’ll just have to see if my wish comes true.

    Reply
  • 5. lemare  |  June 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    I wouldn’t mind seeing an interview with Martha and Paris, comparing and contrasting their incarceration experiences.

    Reply
  • 6. Lindsay  |  June 4, 2007 at 10:11 pm

    That cartoon was fab. Perhaps the next one could have Joebert utilizing an item from the Harriet Carter Catalog. Would Joebert purchasing the boyfriend pillow be too controversial, too scandelous, for the likes of IRF? Maybe Joebert better just eat too many brats and buy the waste expander.

    Reply
  • 7. Michael Dennis  |  June 5, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    I agree, that was by far the best Dilbert cartoon ever written.

    Reply
  • 8. TRussell  |  June 7, 2007 at 12:22 am

    That cartoon brought back so many memories of trying to study in the library with Joe. There was always a crummy dilbert cartoon creation.

    Joe Miller – Thank you.

    One thing I need to get off my chest here though. A few weeks ago, when Joe was talking about how he was all into Erasure – music that is not supposed to be cool but you like it anyway – well, I love music by Lionel Richie – always have. I tried to disclose that bit of information to Matt Cardall when I first met him, and it almost cost me my relationship with Jen. I think he tried to talk her out of dating me because of it.

    Reply

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