Miller Monday – How to Judge

August 13, 2007 at 2:15 am 5 comments

I received a stern lecture last week about not judging a book by its cover.  What a bunch of utter nonsense.  If we really were not supposed to judge books by their cover, how would we know to buy the book at all?  We all take a good look at the cover.  We read the title, we look at the author, we may be attracted to the flashy color or images presented.  If we truly should not judge a book by the cover then every publisher in America should release all future publications in a dull drab grey cover with a white title in 12 point Times New Roman font.

My friends, there is a way to judge a book by its cover.  I have a system that I have successfully used for the past twenty years of my life that has never failed me.  Let me explain.

All in all, there are really only four kinds of men in this world and three types of women.  Within those seven classifications there are extremes, but for simplicity’s sake you only have to memorize seven distinct personality types.  By knowing how to properly classify everyone you meet you will know how to interact with them and how to treat them.  Conversely you will know what to avoid when dealing with these personality types.

First the Masculine personality types.

The first personality type I like to call a G.  The G personality type is a total idiot, moronic in every way.  These people work at our gas stations and grocery stores.  They love working for unions and have absolutely no idea how anything could possibly get done without assistance from the government.  For the most part, the G type personality  is pretty easy going and doesn’t really have any ambition to educate themselves.  They enjoy the simple pleasures, beer and football.  They don’t really contribute much to society and rely on the fruits of others to bail them out of all of their quandaries. 

The second personality type is what I call an S.  The S personality type likes to think of themselves as being important when they really are not.  They love to surround themselves with the G personality types because it makes them look smart.  They are quick to anger and to violence.  For the most part the S personality type is drawn to supervisory type jobs, yelling at people on an assembly line or dredging through the lower levels of management.  Although their role is somewhat more substantial than the G type, the S types are still a dime a dozen. 

The next personality type is what I call a TH.  A typical TH is obsessed with wealth or status.  They usually hold high paying jobs and love to make very executive like decisions.  They wear the best clothes and over dress whenever the chance presents itself.  They love to belittle others and fancy themselves as true leaders when in reality they lack the intelligence and drive to make a real difference.

The rarest and most important of all personality types, the type that really makes the world go round, I like to call a P.  The typical P has to dig everyone else out of all their holes.  They try to get along with everyone although they are the only ones who ever understand the situation really clearly.  They have deal with all the G’s, the S’s, and the TH’s, although they usually have very little success with the women.   They aren’t perfect, but if it weren’t for the P’s we would all be screwed.

Now for the women.  I find that women can be easily classified using a three personality type system:

There are the GI’s, which rely on their looks to get them out of tricky situations.  Not much upstairs but they typically don’t need brains anyways.

There are the LH types, which only love money.

Finally there are the MA’s which are adorable and are great cooks.

That’s pretty much all you really need to know about the seven personality types.

To see how all personality types interact Click Here.

You now have everything you need to effectively judge a book by its cover.  I think it was Atticus Finch who once said that you shouldnt judge a man until you have walked a mile in his mocassins.  He, my friends, was a fictional character and did not have to deal with Gilligan day in and day out.


Joe Miller


Entry filed under: Miller Monday.

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jdon  |  August 13, 2007 at 2:26 am

    By the way, that clip of Gilligan’s Island is just about the most politically incorrect thing I have ever seen. The way the white dude plays the Japanese solider is so criminal that I’m surprised it didn’t cause them to bomb pearl harbor anew. Truth be told, that is the real reason I wanted to write this post.

  • 2. Lowdogg  |  August 13, 2007 at 12:27 pm

    Excellent Post. I think you are on a creative crescendo. Mickey Rooney is also incredibly un-PC in his depiction of a Japanese guy in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

  • 3. TRussell  |  August 13, 2007 at 2:17 pm

    An interesting insight and rather elitist in tone. I just don’t know Joe. This certainly cuts at the notion that the masses are fit to govern themselves and promotes the ideal that a select few should govern all.



    Sine P is Tom and MA is Patsy and the other letters are everyone else…

    Patsy*Tom > the product of any combination of all genetic possibilities

    Miller offspring > anyone else

    Joe > you

    I’m not sure how William Bruce “Axl” Rose is going to feel about this when he hears about it.

  • 4. Yur Pa  |  August 13, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    So TRussell sees me as P? Joe probably sees me as S. I remember taking my hat off frequently and pounding him when he was acting like G.

  • 5. TRussell  |  August 13, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    Truth be told, Patsy is undoubtedly an MA. I just had to get the math to work for the rest of the equation. However, you got Patsy to love you, so the whole “success with women” thing doesn’t apply to you. Good work Mr. Miller.


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