Miller Monday – Beauty Is In The Eye of the Dead Celeb

August 27, 2007 at 9:57 am 9 comments

Life is really hard for ugly people.  Really hard.  And it aint getting any easier.  This morning I found out that Owen Wilson recently attempted suicide.  We all knew and loved him as homeboy with the really jacked up nose in Meet the Parents, which incidentally should have earned him, at least, an Oscar nod from the Academy.  Although I can’t remember another role he played where he was equally as funny, it got me thinking how us ugly people have it pretty hard.

It seems that everywhere you turn the focus is all on the fabulously rich and attractive.  We do our nine to fives, flip on the tele only to find Desperate Housewives and Howie Mandel handing out suitcases with his entourage of smoking hot models.  Our newspapers are filled with tabloidesque stories of Brittany and Lindsay.  Is it any wonder that Kurt Cobain blew his head off with a shotgun?  Is it any wonder why John Candy’s frail heart gave out on him?  I’m telling you peoples, there ain’t no love for us ugly people no matter how hard we try.

My wife watches America’s Next Top model.  She changes the channel quickly whenever I come in the room to make it look like she isn’t watching, but I know she is.  I can smell the stink in the room when I walk through the door.  I’ve come to realize that its only a matter of time before my wife wants me to get a facelift and tummy tuck.  I tell you, is it any wonder why Jerry Garcia and Janis Joplin overdosed on narcotics?

As a nation we are currently facing a crisis of unknown proportions.  While our attention is diverted towards a War on Terror, we are being attacked from within by something much more insidious: Beauty.   Most of us don’t have it, but for some reason, most of us want it.  There aren’t too many ugly Betty’s in Hollywood these days (except for the lady who plays Ugly Betty).  There aren’t too many ugly kids on the Disney channel.  There aren’t too many ugly people on MTV.  Our media today is a barren wasteland of ugly people.  I don’t want my kid to end up like John Belushi (or Jim Belushi for that matter)!

I worry about Michael Moore.  He’s fighting an uphill battle.  I can only cross my fingers for Kid Rock for so long.  I worry how much longer Oprah can hold out!  I wonder what effect this is going to have on our nation and our families in general.  But more importantly, I wonder if this Miller Monday is as lame as I am now fearing it is.  I’ve already written too much to scrap it and start over, and its already too late to attempt to salvage it.  It seemed like I could ramble on endlessly when I started but now I realize that the tank is empty and I have nothing more to say.  I guess all I wanted to say is, keep on fighting ugly man.  Keep on!

Sincerely,

Ugly Joe Miller

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Entry filed under: Celebrities, Current Events, Miller Monday, Pop Culture.

IRF Weekly Wrap-up Some people don’t have maps

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lowdogg  |  August 27, 2007 at 10:29 am

    It would have been better had you signed it “Ugly Joe” Miller.

    -“Just as Ugly Joe” Lowry

    Reply
  • 2. Jdon  |  August 27, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    That is easily corrected!

    Reply
  • 3. Lindsay  |  August 27, 2007 at 1:16 pm

    How about IRF breaking the news about the suicide attempt! Who needs fox news? From: Pretty Lindsay

    Reply
  • 4. Yur Pa  |  August 27, 2007 at 6:39 pm

    Your ending made the most sense of the whole blog.

    Reply
  • 5. pammyshep  |  August 27, 2007 at 7:09 pm

    One of my “pretty” friends once said, “My life would be so much easier if I were dumb and ugly.” I think Joe would disagree.

    Reply
  • 6. JL  |  August 28, 2007 at 10:09 am

    It’s so normal to hear the latest disaster stories of Lindsay, Paris and Britney that it’s a shocker to hear about Owen Wilson.

    Reply
  • 7. lemare  |  August 28, 2007 at 10:12 am

    And then we have Chicago Bear’s players crashing their $350K Lamborghini and “forgetting” to report it for a few hours after the crash.

    Joe Miller and I have said it before. There will be good company in hell–all the celebs will be there.

    Reply
  • 8. Joey  |  August 28, 2007 at 5:23 pm

    So the lives of the ugly are hard. What about the lives of the chronically incoherent?

    Reply
  • 9. Jdon  |  August 28, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    Trust me. Its hard too!

    Reply

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