Heaven Help Us All

September 4, 2007 at 10:49 pm 38 comments

This past weekend, I was blessed to attend the Beach Boy’s concert (Summer Concert Review forthcoming).  While using the restroom during the concert, I had the misadventure of sharing a stall wall with a girl singing “Help Me, Rhonda” while going to the bathroom.  Throwing up a little in my mouth, I looked down and saw a pair of brown Crocs.  The girl on the other side joined in the tune; her Crocs were light blue.

The plague, my friends, is reaching a fever pitch.  I never thought the trend would last more than one season.  They are, afterall, the most hideous, least flattering thing that can be put on a foot.  I firmly believe that my surgical boot after my osteotomy was a sexier piece of footwear.

 Feeling strongly against them, but oh so alone at times (like Monday nights in Provo, Utah when I’m the only girl not wearing a waffle-weave top and turquoise foam-resin shoes).  Fortunately, my friend, Luke reached out to me today, reminding me that there is always help and support when you seek it out.  Today I learned about IHateCrocs.com.  It’s such a blessing to learn that In Rare Form isn’t the only blog dedicated toward good works.  I firmly believe in their cause and even looked to see if there was a “Donate Here” link.  There IS a store, though, and the logo might look nice along with the “Don’t Hassle The Hoff” and the “Stay Golden” tees I intend to order.

America is not the only region infested by these reptiles.  In the UK Daily Mail article, “God Save Us From the Croc,” the author refers to to her Aussie relatives as being “victims of the greatest fashion heist in modern history – the curse of the Crocs.”  She goes on to say, “No one’s perfect. BUT this isn’t even a fashion mistake. Because Crocs are not, and never were, anything to do with fashion.

I object to the Croc, except if worn on a boat (alone) or while pulling weeds in the sanctity of one’s own garden, or on a three-year old.  Nothing… no outfit, no health problem, no occupation requires you to offend your fellow man in such an overt manner.

As one reader eloquently said on IHateCrocs.com, “They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs.”


Entry filed under: Commentary, Fashion, LeMare's Posts, Pop Culture.

IRF Weekly Wrap-up Guest Post: Psych Ward Woes, Edition I

38 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cburt  |  September 4, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    I agree that it’s really an appalling trend. But I have to say that they are probably the best money I’ve ever spent on my toddler. On an impulse, I bought him a pair of camo Crocs (camo–also a fashion trend that should be banned from all adult clothing). His Crocs have literally saved the lives of his See Kai Runs and Stride Rites. He can drag them through the mud, water, etc without destroying them. But the best part of all–he can put them on all by himself! But no worries, Lemare, I won’t be wearing any anytime soon!

  • 2. lemare  |  September 4, 2007 at 11:37 pm

    Please note my caveat “or on a three year old” so don’t worry, little Chase is OK in my book.

  • 3. Lindsay  |  September 5, 2007 at 11:00 am

    While nurses all about me don them for work, I have never done so. Even some hospitals are banning them now.

  • 4. pammyshep  |  September 5, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Two years ago at a convention for my company, I met the owners of Crocs. They were nice guys who said they invented the shoes out of necessity: while fishing they didn’t like wearing waders all the time so they ruined countless pairs of shoes. As an angler myself, I can tell you that I would NEVER wear Crocs fishing. They’re not incredibly stable to begin with and do you know how many people would laugh at me?

    To make matters worse, I did my job so well that (it was a press tour to get them publicity) that the owners gave me not one but TWO pairs of Crocs (one in baby blue and the other in hunter orange)! I gave them away as Christmas gifts because I’d rather be staked out on an ant hill naked than be seen in a pair of Crocs.

  • 5. lemare  |  September 5, 2007 at 12:22 pm

    Could the baby blue croc recipient be the type to sing “help me, rhonda” while going to the bathroom?

  • 6. lemare  |  September 5, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    And who are these hospitals banning the croc and can I shake the hand of each and every board member?

    I attend the Candy Trade Show annually, and last year, some woman peddling some new fruity candy was wearing yellow crocs with large plastic fruit hanging off of it… grapes and such. It looked like the chiquita banana hat on each of her feet.

    I wanted to die. So naturally i followed her around for 10 minutes.

  • 7. Joey  |  September 5, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    What on earth is a waffle-weave top? Suddenly, I’m craving maple syrup.

  • 8. lemare  |  September 5, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Waffle-weave is a nice way of saying “thermal underwear”

    but the girls are wearing them as shirts these days. to the store. to class. to restaurants… more than just camping like it was in our day.

  • 9. Joey  |  September 5, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Wow. Is this something we should make the subject of a strongly-worded letter to the administration of our alma mater? I’ve been waiting for so long to be old and cranky enough to write a letter condemning the dissolute and dissipated morals of the younger generation.

    PS, how would one of these young ladies even begin to answer the question, “Do I look good enough to appear in the print ad for these waffle-weave tops?”

  • 10. lemare  |  September 5, 2007 at 2:47 pm

    I used to condemn my alma mater’s little sister to the north for the strict dress code policies (against overalls and things of the like). Many years have past and I now consider it one of the wisest policies a school has ever adopted. I don’t think the Idahoans really UNDERSTOOD the wisdom behind their decision, but I fully support it now.

    Can you imagine a waffle weave top, overalls, and crocs?

    Something tell me that the people who dress in such items do not inspect themselves in the mirror while staring at ads in GQ or In Style.

  • 11. Massimo  |  September 5, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    For the record, the Revolution advocates:

    1. A dignified silence in all public restrooms; the singing of rock-and-roll ditties, even at Beach Boys concerts, will not be permitted.

    2. A general ban on all lightweight plastic footwear for anyone mature enough to use a public restroom without adult supervision.

    3. The imposing of a steep fine on anyone who makes a Larry Craig joke in response to this post.

  • 12. lemare  |  September 5, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    Massimo- You’re the Che of IRF.

  • 13. Massimo  |  September 6, 2007 at 10:08 am

    Yeah, take away my unyielding devotion to free markets, representative democracy, human rights, and hygiene and I’d be a dead ringer. Still, there isn’t a college campus that wouldn’t be improved by more T-shirts with my face emblazoned on them.

  • 14. Massimo  |  September 6, 2007 at 10:09 am

    Weren’t we talking about ugly shoes?

  • 15. Lowdogg  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:00 am

    I own Crocs. They are great for the beach (even in the water) and playing in the backyard with my crazy son. I have to admit that I don’t like to wear them in public. I just think they look weird on my body. I haven’t had such a visceral reaction to them as you all have.

    And my son’s are adorable on him. They have Mickey Mouse shaped holes on the top. When he first got them he did this funny bouncy walk because he liked the foam.

    I have no problem with the use of Crocs in the medical setting. Why are they being banned?

    What I don’t understand is why people completely disregard color when wearing their Crocs? They might choose blue shirt, khaki shorts and green Crocs. That’s the only think I have a problem with.

  • 16. lemare  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:10 am

    I included the caveat for kids (my little cousins have them and they’re tiny and adorable) so your son is covered, and I included the caveat for the boat, which can include you going to the beach, Lowdogg.

    I’m working from home and saw on Oprah the woman who invented the little decorative items that go in kids shoes. She sold it to Crocs for $20MM. Good heavens, what am I doing as a number cruncher?

  • 17. Joey  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:13 am

    Last night, I discovered that Whole Foods has a whole section of the store dedicated to Crocs. I’m confused. Are Crocs environmentally friendly? Are they “organic?” Maybe they are made of recycled water bottles.

  • 18. Joey  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:19 am

    And a couple interesting quotations from the Crocs Web site that I thought IRF readers would appreciate:

    “By 2003, Crocs™ Footwear had become a bona-fide phenomenon, universally accepted as an all purpose shoe for comfort and fashion.”

    Comfort AND fashion? Yes, LeMare, Heaven, and Helmut Lang, HELP US!

    “Crocs™ Shoes have saved our customer’s lives or even their marriages.”

    Massimo, please tell me that when the Revolution comes, Comfort and Fashion will not be permitted legally to marry, but only to live in sin.

  • 19. Joey  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Lowdogg, Judith Martin once told a reader something along the lines that, “Some things are so special that they should only be enjoyed in the home.” She, of course, was referring to lobster. But maybe Crocs are that way for you–you just enjoy them in your home.

    But can you tell me one thing? I was on a plane the other day. It was filled with Crocs-wearing travellers. They all looked supremely comfortable. Sleepy even. But I couldn’t help wondering–do plastic shoes make your feet smell? If not, I’m less adverse to their being worn in public, and shall retract some of my original vitriolic comments on them. Maybe Crocs are breathable. I just remember my sisters’ jelly shoes in the 80s, and how you couldn’t go near them for fear of the miasma.

  • 20. lemare  |  September 6, 2007 at 12:20 pm

    There’s a LOT to address here, Joey. I will start with the eco friendly question. From what I learned in the Daily Mail article:

    Crocophiles think they’re the footwear equivalent of a hybrid 4×4, stylish yet environmentally friendly.

    (Oh dear, it can’t be long before the Tories makes then de rigueur for all candidates.) But I’ve got news for you: it’s all a myth, a fantastic marketing stunt.

    They’re not environmentally friendly as far as I can see. They’re made from a propietary closed-cell resin, a by-product of oil, and as they’re now making three million pairs a month, that’s a heck of a lot of the black stuff to be pumped out of the ground. . .

    . . . Worse still, Crocs are nonbiodegradable.

    So presumably in centuries to come new civilisations will discover landfill sites the size of Manchester filled with nasty plastic reptilian slippers. What will future generations make of us.

    In fairness, Crocs Inc claim their shoes are recyclable. But into what? Colanders? Halloween masks to frighten small children?

  • 21. lemare  |  September 6, 2007 at 12:25 pm

    In reference to the comfort question, the Daily Mail has addressed this:

    So let’s get down to the reason people give most often for wearing them – sheer comfort. If shuffling around in a pair of ill-fitting, flatfooted Jiffy bags is your idea of comfort, then you are beyond reasoned help.

    And as far as the Helmut Lang comment, please read more of this feisty British Lassie’s fiery words:

    Crocs other claim is that they’re slip-resistant.

    Try telling that to a Crocophile friend of mine who has worn them in many a hue since they first hit our shores and only last week had a nasty tumble on a slippery slope on a wild part of his local common, when his Crocs slipped out from beneath him. He had to be licked back to consciousness by his dog.

    Now, I can completely understand someone being prepared to take a tumble for the sheer joy and vanity of wearing a pair of Jimmy Choos.

  • 22. Lowdogg  |  September 6, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    Very funny article. Mine usually get wet when I wear them so I haven’t had to deal with the stink issue. I will have to ask some other croc users. I know a lot of nurses, etc wear socks with their crocs, so that would ameliorate the possible olfactory concerns.

    And I do think they are comfortable. They do mold to the feet after a time BUT I would take my Nike’s anytime over the crocs.

  • 23. pfunkpower  |  September 6, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    This is my favorite comment from the ihatecrocs.com guy when asked to comment on the wearing of crocs based on their comfort:

    “My bathrobe is comfortable, but I don’t wear it to the supermarket. You have to respect other people’s aesthetic.”

  • 24. Stephanie  |  September 6, 2007 at 7:52 pm

    Thanks IRF – I’m now talking about “waffle-weave” in my sleep. This morning my husband said I was talking about it last night. HA!

  • 25. lemare  |  September 6, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    Stephanie, I’m laughing so hard. This is an IRF first, as far as I know!

  • 26. Jdon  |  September 6, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    I must not get out much for I have yet to see an actual pair of of Crocs in person. I guess I am one of the fortunate ones. Or maybe I’m just a loser or have adverse feelings towards looking at feet. At any rate I feel confident that I would not enjoy seeing anyone wear a pair of rubber clogs. It just doesnt sit right with me.

  • 27. Massimo  |  September 6, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    Joey, as far as the Revolution is concerned, Comfort and Fashion may live together openly and unashamedly unmarried and may adopt as many African or Vietnamese children as they wish. But, no, they will not be permitted to marry.

  • 28. Jen Cardall Jacobson  |  September 7, 2007 at 12:24 am

    I have been eyeing the Crocs stock lately. Whatever you all say, it has nearly tripled in the past six months! Though I wouldn’t wear them myself, I feel the trend is strong enough to invest a few of my dollars in. Especially for the 3 and under market. I frequent the park and library and I see crocs on kids more than any other shoes! I did buy my daughter a pair (thanks for the pardon, LeMare), and she was so stoked about them that for the first few days of owning them she made a point to show them to anyone who glanced her way.

  • 29. Lindsay  |  September 7, 2007 at 11:49 am

    First off, I never trust my sense of style. I initially saw them on someone at work with big feet, thought they were hideous, but then saw them everywhere and assumed I was wrong. Second. They have been banned by some hospitals b/c they are a stupid shoe for nurses who could drop a needle, and oops, there’s lots of holes to drop it into. Can you imagine getting AIDS or hepatitis b/c you insisted on wearing swiss-cheese foam on your feet? I own a pair of sketchers made from that material. Cute shape shoe(not cloggy), uncomfy material. I don’t get it. And, LeMare really hit a nerve here. Has any post elicited such a response?

  • 30. Lindsay  |  September 7, 2007 at 11:49 am

    I just had to comment again to make it an even 30 responses. I’m like Monk. LeMare, we need a column on Monk.

  • 31. critts  |  September 7, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    I have to admit I think crocs are appalling footwear although I acknowledge a few suitable uses for them. Now that I’ve said that, I can get to the point…they make “Stay Golden” tees? How have I never heard about these and where can I get one?????

  • 32. lemare  |  September 8, 2007 at 12:30 am

    Critts: Maybe we can get a bulk discount on these tees:


    While I did this search, I also saw ANOTHER Golden Girls shirt I have to have:


  • 33. Lowdogg  |  September 8, 2007 at 7:18 am

    They sell Crocs without holes in the top.

  • 34. Lindsay  |  September 8, 2007 at 10:17 am

    Now THAT would get stinky!

  • 35. IRF Weekly Wrap-up « In Rare Form  |  September 9, 2007 at 1:49 am

    […] heels crooked toes:  It is true that LeMare’s foot surgery referred to this week in the Croc post falls into this category.  She still maintains that the surgical boot is […]

  • 36. lemare  |  September 18, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    A few of you have been so kind as to point out the news:



  • 37. Aron  |  September 27, 2007 at 11:39 pm

    i noticed the conversation on Golden Girl shirts, i found a really sweet Golden Girls shirt, cooler cuz its more subtle….check out this link: http://invisiblebrand.net (the golden girls shirt is on the second page) cheers…

  • 38. lemare  |  September 28, 2007 at 1:01 am

    Aron, thanks for a referral… it’s almost like the internet needs a Golden Girls Tee Shirt Consolidator… where we can see all the options on one page! Maybe we should do that here…


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