Miller Monday – Justice, a Huge Global Farce

October 8, 2007 at 9:59 am 10 comments

This weekend all three teams I was silently cheering on were eliminated from the MLB playoffs.  Not only were they eliminated, they were all swept in three straight games.  The Cubs, who have not won the World Series in 99 friggin’ years, will have to wait one more to get another shot.  But do you know what?  Don’t hold your breath.  I learned something very important this weekend: There is no justice in this world.

I naively once believed in justice but I know chalk that up to sweet teenage innocence.  If you are still living in a Pre-1908 world, it is time to wake up!  We should have realized this a long time ago.  If there was justice in this world OJ, Phil Spector, and Michael Jackson would be making license plates in orange jumpsuits right now and Lou Pinella would be preparing to meet the Diamondbacks.   But there is no justice.  It is merely a myth.

How does this apply to a much larger picture?  I’m glad you asked.  Because there is no justice it’s time to get what you can while you can.  This principle extends to politics.  It’s time to vote for the candidate who promises the most free stuff and forget the consequences.  Free health care? Yep.  Free groceries? Sure.  Free cars and clothes? You bet.  Who cares what it does to everyone’s taxes?  Who cares if someone else is left with the bill?  If we had to pay for it that would be justice and there is no such thing.

This principle extends to academics.  Why in the world should you study for that upcoming exam?  What a waste of time.  Just cheat.  You can get a better score with less work.  Cheating is the best option because hard work and dedication to an art will get you no further than the Cubs in a world where there is no justice.

This principle extends to entertainment.  Go on, watch Rosie O’Donnell.  Who cares if she is a terrible human being?  Who cares if she is Satan-incarnate?  It’s not like there are any consequences for supporting a bad person, right?

This principle extends to marriage.  Just cheat on your spouse.  Do it.  Even if you get caught it won’t matter because nothing will happen to you.  The justice pendulum only swings one way.

Go on, join a terrorist training camp.  THERE IS NO JUSTICE!

You get my point.  The Cubs taught us all an important lesson this weekend.  I hope we all understand the implications of the playoffs this year and that all of you will be following my lead.  I will not be going to work today, and will instead be staying home to eat pudding and watch Law and Order reruns while I laugh my head off.



Joe Miller

Entry filed under: Chicago, Miller Monday, Sports.

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10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lowdogg  |  October 8, 2007 at 11:30 am

    People still play baseball?

  • 2. Joey  |  October 8, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    People still eat pudding?

  • 3. TommyBoy  |  October 8, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    Someone would cheat with Joe?

  • 4. Jdon  |  October 8, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    Shucks guys. Thanks for kicking me while I’m down.

  • 5. Sportsattitude  |  October 8, 2007 at 9:19 pm

    Ironic a post about justice, or the lack thereof. Today for the first time, I fulfilled my “civic duty” and served as a prospective County Juror for a civil case of medical malpractice. While I was ultimately not selected for the trial itself, I found the whole process of interviewing we juror candidates in a real world courtroom fascinating. As for the playoffs…baseball is a cruel, Godless game. As for pudding…I like it with the “skin” on the top.

  • 6. Lindsay  |  October 8, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    Oh Sportsattitude, we both went down in flames. Baseball is indeed cruel–i can’t bear to watch anymore of the playoffs. What a bummer. As for jury duty, I didn’t get put in a jury either during selection. I think they leave sane people like us out on purpose.

  • 7. lemare  |  October 9, 2007 at 12:53 am

    I, too, did not make it into the office today, but I unfortunately had no tapioca.

    I learned that baseball was a vindictive mistress on the night of the Bartman fiasco. I haven’t trusted her since.

  • 8. Mikel  |  October 9, 2007 at 11:44 am

    You know who’s to blame? Hillary Clinton, that’s who. She said she would alternate rooting for the Cubs and the Yankees if they both made it to the World Series. She jinxed the whole thing. Jinxes do not belong in the White House.

  • 9. lemare  |  October 9, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    Is this kind of like alternating rooting for our troops and the insurgents?

  • 10. Sportsattitude  |  October 9, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    Oh Lindsay, we not only both went down in flames…there was not a single ash left between us. Was counting on the Cubs to move forward so I had a fall-back position if the Phils failed. Now, I find it hard to be motivated by the “vindictive mistress” (kudos to LeMare for that poetic and accurate contribution) of baseball. While it was fascinating to see the insurgent Yankees getting gnawed on by Lake Erie’s finest (Indians and gnats alike),
    it’s not the same. Hey, didn’t somebody complain about that Cleveland “wahoo” logo like twenty years ago? What’s up with that?


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