Miller Monday – The MNBA

October 22, 2007 at 12:29 am 17 comments

Last week while listening to the radio on the way home from work I heard a story that caught my attention.  Some really smart guy believes that 25% of all Republican woman will vote for Hillary because she is a woman.  There has also been a lot of similar jibber jabber over Obama.  Some people are really excited at the prospect of seeing America’s first Black African American president.  Inside the Mormon community there has been a lot of hub bub over the fact that Mitt Romney could be the first Mormon president.  Believe it or not I have actually heard a talk show host talking about how exciting it would be if Rudy Giuliani won because he would be the first Italian American president.  It really got me thinking, is that why we vote for someone?  I can’t tell what world I am living in when someone decides to support one candidate over another because, well, we haven’t had one of those yet.  This has been very perplexing to me.  As I drove home from work I let me mind relax as I tried to imagine what kind world my children are going to be living in.

My mind wandered back to a rather humorous little bit I read on close IRF friend Sportsattitude’s page about the longevity of the WNBA.  For those of you who have no idea what that is, don’t worry, you are in the majority.  Several years ago a bunch of people decided that it was unfair that the NBA was a fairly entertaining sport with only male athletes.  My guess is some female Republican Hillary Clinton supporters thought, “Hey, we need a national basketball association for women because, well, we don’t really have one.”  Forget about ratings, forget about public interest, forget about how lame the concept is, we don’t have one and so for that reason alone we need one.  Hence the WNBA was born.  No one actually watches it but that is beside the point.  The league is heavily subsidized by its male counterpart and attendance levels resemble a Chumbawumba reunion concert.  The teams have names that closely resemble the NBA teams of the area.  For example, the Detroit Pistons play along side the Detroit Shock.  The Houston Rockets share court with the Houston Comets.  The San Antonio Spurs play along side the San Antonio Silver Stars. Etc, etc.

This, my friends, is the world we live in.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that no one vote for Hillary Clinton.  Far from it.  If you are a Socialist, please, by all means vote for Hillary Clinton.  Be my guest.  That is your right.  But for the sake of my sanity please do not vote for her because she is a woman.  Please.  Seriously. Please.  This is about your principles.  At least pretend that the reason you voted for her was because you wanted a health care system that functions like the DMV.  Again, this is about principles.  If you have any.

But now that I know how the American public functions I would like to introduce a new concept to you.  In the interest of supporting something new simply because we dont have it yet…. 

You’ve seen the NBA. 

   Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
You’ve seen the WNBA. 

 Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

But you haven’t seen anything like the MNBA.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

 

Hello world, its time for the Midget Basketball Association of America.  Come on everyone.  Join the fun.  Finally a league for the littlest basketball players you have ever seen.  They’re tiny.  They are adorable.  They are midgets.  Yee haw.  I’m sure you will all love the following teams with their “bigger” brother NBA teams:

The New York Knicks introduces the “Knee High Knickerbockers”

The Boston Celtics welcome the “Boston Little People” (Said in an Irish brogue)

The Los Angeles Lakers and the “Los Angeles Little Lakers”

The Orlando Magic and the “Orlando the Mini Magic”

“The Minnesota Timberwolves” welcome the “Minnesota Tiny Timbercubs”

The San Antonio Spurs introduce the “San Antonio Spuritos”

The Denver Nuggets want to bring along the “Denver Nuggets” (No change necessary)

And the Chicago Bulls welcome the “Chicago Calves”

 We are also considering a few expansion teams:

The Sacramento Kings – The “Sacramento Burger King Kids Meals”

The Washington Wizards – The “Washington Hogwarts Kids”

Five on five, all midget basketball action, in your face.  Get that OUT OF THE KITCHEN!  They play with regular sized balls on regular 10 foot rims.  STUFF’D!  Sixty minutes of hard-core midget b-ball to make your heart race and your blood boil.  WHO’S YOUR DADDY!

I know you will all support this great idea because we definitely do not currently have a midget basketball league. I have also called dibs on the MNFL because that would be adorable to see little midgets tossing the pigskin around.  I am open for business partners on this endeavor because I haven’t fully thought it out.  However, I will not be copywriting the whole MMLB idea because I think it is dangerous for midgets to be throwing baseballs at each other and because I think it would be difficult for a midget to throw a circle change with their stubby little fingers and everything.

Sincerely,

Joe Miller

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Entry filed under: Clinton, Miller Monday, Sports. Tags: , , , .

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17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. TRussell  |  October 22, 2007 at 11:29 am

    If the cheerleaders are midgets too, you might have a business partner.

    Reply
  • 2. Jdon  |  October 22, 2007 at 11:54 am

    Deal. T Russ what do you think abuot Midget Hockey or maybe a Midget Fooseball league?

    Reply
  • 3. TRussell  |  October 22, 2007 at 6:11 pm

    A game where the players are actual size…

    This could go somewhere.

    Reply
  • 4. Jdon  |  October 22, 2007 at 6:21 pm

    I am chomping at the bit here. Do you think midgets get vertigo as easily as the rest of us? I mean, with all that spinning around the bar and everything.

    Reply
  • 5. lemare  |  October 22, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    Shouldn’t it be the LPNBA? I learned on Little People Big World that the “M” word is not appreciated.

    And I vote to change the name of the Little Lakers to the Ponders.

    Reply
  • 6. Jdon  |  October 22, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    Ponders is really an adorable name. I think that would be acceptable. Now that you are in the Bay Area I think I will let you know that we are also considering an expansion franchise to be paired with the Golden State Warriors. We are thinking about calling them the Golden State Lilliputian Warriors but have not completely settled on the name. Any ideas?

    Reply
  • 7. JL  |  October 22, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    Mr. Miller, have you considered doing freelance graphic design on the side? The first page of your resume could proudly display the MNBA logo alongside the transformation of T. Russell from normal man to Telly Tubby.

    Reply
  • 8. TRussell  |  October 22, 2007 at 8:18 pm

    A complete portfolio indeed.

    Reply
  • 9. Yur Pa  |  October 23, 2007 at 1:26 am

    You missed the most obvious opportunity of all–miniature golf! The top playerwould probably be Tigger Woods.

    Reply
  • 10. lemare  |  October 23, 2007 at 10:48 am

    Along the lines of my Lakers-Ponders recommendation, what if we changed Woods to Thickets?

    Reply
  • 11. Sportsattitude  |  October 23, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    Mr. Miller’s vision for merging political correctness and sensitivity to all people…with everything that makes professional sports in America the great business engine that it is…will likely create a firestorm all across this nation (especially in Southern California with the winds being what they are and all). Sportsattitude’s recent post about the WNBA (which stands less tall now midgets are all the rage) is proud to be mentioned as a small but relevant contribution to the thought process that eventually spawned this concept.

    Reply
  • 12. Jdon  |  October 23, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    Sportsattitude is too humble. His WNBA article has probably inspired bigger (pun intended) and better (no pun intended) blog articles than this. Plus he mentions how hockey players want heated ice skates – go figure.

    Reply
  • 13. Sportsattitude  |  October 23, 2007 at 3:53 pm

    Jdon, yes…it is a bit of a slam dunk on the heated ice skate issue…I have informally polled several people now, none of which have a vested interest in the National Hockey League, Tonya Harding, or any other skating enterprise…and all of them agreed a heated ice skate is going to make the ice melt.

    Reply
  • 14. Jdon  |  October 23, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    Now I know Hockey players aren’t typically drafted for their exceptionally high IQ’s, but seriously. Aren’t the guys that at least own the franchises wise enough to sniff this one out? Come to think of it, this might do wonders for the ratings. If by the third period everyone is swimming in razon-sharp iceberg infested water it might make the game a little bit more interesting. Oh yeah, and midgets too.

    Reply
  • 15. the "Reverend"  |  October 23, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    I see my boycott is not having the intended effect. Oh well! you know what they say–If you can’t beat em, join em.

    How about the “Miami Luke Warm,” “Atlanta Hummingbirds,” “Toronto Tadpoles,” or the “Indiana Dilly-Dallies”?

    Reply
  • 16. Jdon  |  October 24, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    Yes, when we are ready to expand into those markets we will be in touch.

    Reply
  • 17. Lindsay  |  October 24, 2007 at 11:39 pm

    Don’t forget the Chicago Blackhots.

    Reply

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