Miller Monday – The MNBA
Last week while listening to the radio on the way home from work I heard a story that caught my attention. Some really smart guy believes that 25% of all Republican woman will vote for Hillary because she is a woman. There has also been a lot of similar jibber jabber over Obama. Some people are really excited at the prospect of seeing America’s first Black African American president. Inside the Mormon community there has been a lot of hub bub over the fact that Mitt Romney could be the first Mormon president. Believe it or not I have actually heard a talk show host talking about how exciting it would be if Rudy Giuliani won because he would be the first Italian American president. It really got me thinking, is that why we vote for someone? I can’t tell what world I am living in when someone decides to support one candidate over another because, well, we haven’t had one of those yet. This has been very perplexing to me. As I drove home from work I let me mind relax as I tried to imagine what kind world my children are going to be living in.
My mind wandered back to a rather humorous little bit I read on close IRF friend Sportsattitude’s page about the longevity of the WNBA. For those of you who have no idea what that is, don’t worry, you are in the majority. Several years ago a bunch of people decided that it was unfair that the NBA was a fairly entertaining sport with only male athletes. My guess is some female Republican Hillary Clinton supporters thought, “Hey, we need a national basketball association for women because, well, we don’t really have one.” Forget about ratings, forget about public interest, forget about how lame the concept is, we don’t have one and so for that reason alone we need one. Hence the WNBA was born. No one actually watches it but that is beside the point. The league is heavily subsidized by its male counterpart and attendance levels resemble a Chumbawumba reunion concert. The teams have names that closely resemble the NBA teams of the area. For example, the Detroit Pistons play along side the Detroit Shock. The Houston Rockets share court with the Houston Comets. The San Antonio Spurs play along side the San Antonio Silver Stars. Etc, etc.
This, my friends, is the world we live in. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that no one vote for Hillary Clinton. Far from it. If you are a Socialist, please, by all means vote for Hillary Clinton. Be my guest. That is your right. But for the sake of my sanity please do not vote for her because she is a woman. Please. Seriously. Please. This is about your principles. At least pretend that the reason you voted for her was because you wanted a health care system that functions like the DMV. Again, this is about principles. If you have any.
But now that I know how the American public functions I would like to introduce a new concept to you. In the interest of supporting something new simply because we dont have it yet….
You’ve seen the NBA.
You’ve seen the WNBA.
But you haven’t seen anything like the MNBA.
Hello world, its time for the Midget Basketball Association of America. Come on everyone. Join the fun. Finally a league for the littlest basketball players you have ever seen. They’re tiny. They are adorable. They are midgets. Yee haw. I’m sure you will all love the following teams with their “bigger” brother NBA teams:
The New York Knicks introduces the “Knee High Knickerbockers”
The Boston Celtics welcome the “Boston Little People” (Said in an Irish brogue)
The Los Angeles Lakers and the “Los Angeles Little Lakers”
The Orlando Magic and the “Orlando the Mini Magic”
“The Minnesota Timberwolves” welcome the “Minnesota Tiny Timbercubs”
The San Antonio Spurs introduce the “San Antonio Spuritos”
The Denver Nuggets want to bring along the “Denver Nuggets” (No change necessary)
And the Chicago Bulls welcome the “Chicago Calves”
We are also considering a few expansion teams:
The Sacramento Kings – The “Sacramento Burger King Kids Meals”
The Washington Wizards – The “Washington Hogwarts Kids”
Five on five, all midget basketball action, in your face. Get that OUT OF THE KITCHEN! They play with regular sized balls on regular 10 foot rims. STUFF’D! Sixty minutes of hard-core midget b-ball to make your heart race and your blood boil. WHO’S YOUR DADDY!
I know you will all support this great idea because we definitely do not currently have a midget basketball league. I have also called dibs on the MNFL because that would be adorable to see little midgets tossing the pigskin around. I am open for business partners on this endeavor because I haven’t fully thought it out. However, I will not be copywriting the whole MMLB idea because I think it is dangerous for midgets to be throwing baseballs at each other and because I think it would be difficult for a midget to throw a circle change with their stubby little fingers and everything.