The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 1
I’m concerned about America. My concern is based on how we are creating men like this, and this, and this (very Hoff-like). Even worse, women like them. Which of these lads would have survived their first winter in the Stone Age? Their first battle in Greece? Not one methinks. We’ve taken the “fittest” out of Survival of the Fittest and allowed weaker specimens to proliferate.
How has this come to pass? A simple concept- child-proofing.
Much has been made of the “feminization” of young men. I think the problem starts much earlier, with outlet covers and child-locks. Just imagine little Uggie. Uggie wasn’t the smartest kid in the cave. His parent’s didn’t feel the need to teach him proper safe food preparation, much less numbers and colors. In their wise opinion: “Uggie need learn for self.” So Uggie did, as he ate a little bit of 2 week-old Mastadon tripe. Uggie learn hard way. Tragic though Uggie’s demise may be, the gene pool was clarified by his absence.
Now this isn’t eugenics. It is natural selection. Does anyone really think that Screech would have made it to age 10 among the Spartans? Would it have been such a bad thing if his earlier contributions to the Arts marked the end of his life and career, rather than the beginning (evidences here, here, and here)?
Mothers, unplug the outlet covers! Loosen the nail polish remover cap! Buy the lead-paint covered Thomas the Tank Engine and Polly Pocket! Do it for the Human Race! Allow the strong to survive. Once the glaciers melt and the sea level rises, we will be left with precious little land upon which to live. Being forced to use arable land for food will mean that textile production will come to a standstill. The submerging of massive Middle Eastern oil fields will require new methods of exploration far beyond our soon-to-be-decimated race, thus making synthetic, petroleum-derived products scarce. Men who can’t swing a hammer to work ore or who lack adequate body hair will not only fail to survive, but may doom the whole of humanity.
Kyoto is not enough to stem the danger. We must prepare, and to prepare we must allow the weak to taste the bitter antifreeze of life. I mean actual antifreeze. My brilliant son will figure it out, as will some others. If he has half the chest hair that I do, my clan will survive. I don’t want to have to hunt for the rest of them. Neither should you.
Entry filed under: Commentary.