The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 4

March 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm 4 comments

This primary season has been so exciting! All this talk of change, and making a better America, and fixing all of our problems. Sometimes I can be downright grumpy about politics! Just look at what I had to say about this and this. What a sourpuss! I think I have been too disappointed by politicians to even allow myself to feel the h..ho…ho….hope! There! It was even hard to write that! But I’m there, friends. I feel hope. It’s like blood, flowing through my body all the way down to my toes. It makes me smile, nod my head, I even start to tap my feet. By now you must be riveted to the screen with fervent desire to know why I am so hopeful. Let me start at the beginning.

I was listening to a song by one J. Timberlake, entitled “Lovestoned.” Some critical excerpts:

She looks like a model
Except she’s got a little more —
Don’t even bother
Unless you’ve got that thing she likes

I hope she’s goin’ home with me tonight


And all she wants is to dance
That’s why you’ll find her on the floor
But you don’t have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That’s why she’s goin’ home with me tonight

I know you must be thinking the same thing. In what world does the hottest girl in the club make her selection based solely on one’s dancing prowess? She will go for you “if you have the thing that she likes” or “if you move the way that she likes.” This theory is something I call the “Meritocracy of the Dancefloor.” Until now I have thought it only a fantasy. This is like some kind of perfect scenario we capitalists like to talk about. Just invent a new product that is better and cheaper and you will be successful. Hah. That was before I discovered hope.

Not everyone was born with my gifts. As a half-cuban I have been blessed with innate rhythm. But there are millions out there who have to toil in the clubs of this world barely able to string two steps together. They work hard at it, but as long as there are better looking and more rhythmically inclined people the playing field will not be level.

Only one person can save this beleaguered group. This is important, because we know that the big corporations don’t care and the social conservatives want to outlaw that (devil) dancing (see this documentary).

Only one man has inspired the hope in me that ALL of our problems can be fixed, including the myth of dancefloor meritocracy. To the Chicago Council on Global Affairs he said the following:

The fifth way America will lead again is to invest in our common humanity – to ensure that those who live in fear and want today can live with dignity and opportunity tomorrow.

Can’t you just tell that he was speaking to you, the downtrodden and rhythmically inept? If that is not clear to you then I want to make it clear to you. No longer will you go to the discos of France and Spain and Dubai and be mocked. Respect and dignity can be yours. Vote for hope! Vote Obama.


Entry filed under: Irreverence. Tags: , .

I want a new dress Sing to me, Lionel, sing to me!

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. TRussell  |  March 3, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    That is the first Obama quote I have ever heard with actual substance – something I can dissect.

    He is obviously making the classic assumption the modern left makes – the only opportunity that you will ever get in life, is the one that government gives you. Government is good and looks out for you. Corporations have no opportunity for you – just for the more fortunate – the ones that benefit from the system.

    You had better elect me, or you are never going to get a fair shake in life. Because if you elect me, I will make it so all opportunities are government opportunities, and I can hire who I want to – and that will be you, not the fortunate kids.

    What a lie!

  • 2. Lowdogg  |  March 3, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    Also, bad dancers will be given the leg up they have always wanted!

  • 3. Marcus  |  March 5, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Interesting. After that disgraceful appearance on Ellin, I’m surprised to hear Obama mentioned at all in a discussion on dancing well as it relates to dignity.

  • 4. Lowdogg  |  March 5, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    That’s the beauty. He’s felt the pain of this downtrodden subset of the population.


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