100% Acrylic

March 18, 2008 at 10:10 pm 5 comments

I love Meryn Cadell’s music video of “The Sweater.” It’s a classic.


I know you will understand this
and feel the intrinsic incredible emotion
You have just pulled over your head the worn,
warm sweater belonging to a boy
Now, you haven’t had a passionate
kissing session or anything,
but you got to go on a camping trip with him
and eight other people from school
And you practically slept together,
your sleeping bag right next to his
And you woke in the night to watch him as he slept
but you couldn’t see anything ’cause it was dark
so you just laid there and listened to his breathing
and wondered if your heart might burst
The sweater has that faintly goat-like smell
which all teenage boys possess,
and that smell will lovingly transfer
to all your other clothes
If you get to keep it for a few
days you can sleep with it
but don’t let your mom see, ’cause she’ll say,
“what is that filthy thing, and who does it belong to
besides the trash man?”
So you have to keep it under the covers with you
You can kind of lie it beside you,
or wrap it around your waist,
or touch it on your legs, or whatever
That’s your business
Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it
or is a funny color like yellow… I’m sorry,
you can’t get away with a sweater like that
Look for brown, or grey, or blue
Anything other than that, and you
know you’re dealing with
someone who’s different
And different is NOT what you’re looking for
You’re looking for those Teenage Alpine ski-chiseled features
and that sort of blank look which
passes for deep thought
or at least the notion that someone’s home
You’re looking for the boy of your dreams
who is the same boy in the dreams of all your friends.
Now the sweater isn’t going to fit you of course,
you kind of have to roll up the sleeves in a jaunty way that says
this is the sweater belonging to a boy,
and the boy is a genuine hunka hunka burning love,
and this is not just some hand me down from your brother or your father
Monday, wear the sweater
to school
Be calm, look cute
Don’t tell him about the dream you had
about the place the two of you would share
when you get older
Just be yourself
The best, cutest, quietest version of yourself
Definitely wear lip gloss
He looks at you, and then he looks away
And then he walks away
and the smell of the sweater hits you again suddenly
like ape-scent gloriola
and you get a note passed to you
by a girl in History that says
“He needs that sweater back.
He forgot you put it on in the tent on Saturday
and he’s been looking for it.”
And you don’t have to die of humiliation,
You are a strong person
and this is a learning experience
You can still hold your head up high as
you run from the classroom
tearing the stinking sweater from your body.
You look at that sweater, carefully,
and you realize that love made you temporarily blind.
You’ve got a secret now, honey,
and though you’d never sink as low as him,
you could blab it all over the school if you wanted
The label in that sweater
said “100% Acrylic”

Entry filed under: Fashion, LeMare's Posts, Music. Tags: , , .

Eyes Open Iraq

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. critts  |  March 19, 2008 at 11:31 am

    Love it!

  • 2. Dicy  |  March 20, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    Super awesome, LeMare. Did you know that J buys shorts from Anchor Blue?

  • 3. lemare  |  March 21, 2008 at 1:11 am

    Anchor Blue? I just had to google it. Fatherhood has taken its toll on him. It was just a couple years ago when he was buying Varvatos suits, Cole Haan shoes, and D&G t-shirts.

  • 4. Joey  |  March 21, 2008 at 11:45 am

    When Dicy wrote that, I was seated on the next couch over from her, bedecked in Armani, Pringle, and Ferre. I get no credit. I admit, though: I will be purchasing shorts from Anchor Blue again. I get lots of compliments from thugs and gangsters in line at the Jewel, and you know how I live for the compliments of thugs and gangsters.

  • 5. lemare  |  March 21, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    I s’pose I cannot throw stones. I just checked the tag of my little BCBG dress today. 95% Polyester.

    Is it wrong to admit that sometimes I like the feel of synthetic fabrics against my skin??


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