Guest Post: The Wheels that Keep Our Country Turning

July 2, 2008 at 10:54 pm 2 comments

My office carpet produces an insane amount of static electricity. I failed Physical Science. Twice. So that may not be exactly what is happening. I remember a rod being rubbed against a rabbit fur? I guess in this example I’m the rod. But I’d rather be draped in rabbit fur. That’s beside the point though. There is tons of electricity in the office. Touch the filing cabinet. POW. Grab something off the printer. ZING. I don’t know why I’m surprised every time it happens. But I am.

Since realizing the potent force of electrons, or protons, or Jimmy Neutron, I’ve had one goal. To have an intern shock his mouth on the metal door handle to our office. Why? I have no idea. But I nearly got one to do it. We locked the door, double locked in fact using a lock on the ground, to ensure that the door wouldn’t fling open and deteeth him. He chickened out. But just by getting close, the two of us have been close since he left the office, nearly two years ago.

What else makes a strong intern? Killer guest posts for one. For another, being neither heard nor seen, yet managing to keep my outbox empty of clutter. Not calling me “Bud” in the hall is a major one. You should also keep your shoes on while at the copier. Where I work, summer interns are a special level of intern. During the school year, the truly devoted are interns. Once summer hits, everyone whose Dad or Mom is owed a favor gets in. You can spot these gems by their designer duds, high heels, couture bags, too much David Yurman, and Barack Obama pins.

While we’re fondly recalling intern memories (not fondling), here are a few more.

*Telling a managing partner at the firm picnic that he was a summer associate in his second year of law school, when in reality he was an intern in his sophomore year of college.

*An 18 year old getting totally hammered at an Orioles game, having his car impounded, and being forced to stay in a hotel near the stadium. It being a work night, he drove in the next day directly from Baltimore, neglecting his hygienic duties.

*An intern who in the matter of one week had her dorm catch fire, her car blocked in on the street, and a mono scare, all which prevent her from showing up to work on time.

It is wonderful to take part in guiding these brilliant young minds that are so full of hope and promise. We are fortunate to see these rising stars who look down on the entry level jobs in the office that none of them could even hope to get. Here’s to them.


Entry filed under: Commentary, Irreverence, Living History, Work. Tags: .

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 8: La Revolución If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lemare  |  July 3, 2008 at 10:27 am

    When I was an intern, I was given my own intern (the only intern in that organizations history to ever have his or her own intern).

    Anna was a horrible intern and she also told dumb stories with no punch line. Anna was also a little trollup. She started dating a guy in the office and spent all her time emailing or on the phone with him. On her first date, she described it as, “We did ‘everything but the….'” She also, when caling vendors, said the name of the company incorrectly.

    Did I mention Anna wanted to become a teacher? She could be EDUCATING your child at this very moment.

  • 2. Sportsattitude  |  July 8, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    Where Mrs. Sportsattitude works, the interns arrive once college lets out…children of those who work there and have no safe place to park the kids between semesters. Little work and much chit-chat abounds, and the place comes to a grinding halt as the company tries to find these wacky kids something – anything – to do. Of course, as no one can trust the interns with doing anything but negatively impacting those they will leave behind in ten weeks or so…they are given nothing to do of importance or relevance. And so it begins the following summer…and the summer after that…and the cycle of life goes on.


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