‘Tis the Season for Friendship & Strongly Worded Letters

December 16, 2008 at 10:30 pm 8 comments

LeMare has always been a fiercely loyal and protective friend. After rooming with my older sister at BYU, she quickly became friends with every single member of my family. From Krispy Kreme camp outs in Orem to all-you-can-eat brunches in Wisconsin, LeMare became a part of our family fabric and a trusted advisor in uncertain situations. When my younger sister was faced with a school decision, LeMare wisely doled out the following letter to her 13-year old pal (unearthed just today from the archives):



JL tells me of your desire to attend boarding school in McLean. I will have none of this. Do you understand how adversely this would affect your mother? Oh, Ween, it would be devastating. Plus, you’ll live with all sorts of weird kids who aren’t members of the church and there wll be peer pressure and before you know it, all your friends are little hellions like Dwighto’s were in high school.

Additionally, you were not meant to eat cafeteria food. Do you know what they put in Meatloaf and Salisbury Steak? Neither do I, Ween, neither do I. And your special meal of the week would be Chicken Cordon Bleu from a frozen little package. And the pie would be nothing other thn instant pudding mix thrown in a pre-made graham cracker crust…Try, if you will, to comprehend the repercussions after a meal of deep fried chicken and broccoli from the freezer. I don’t wish to further explore the associated tragedy!

Anyhow, there are numerous reasons why I think you should stay at home (live in your nice house where your mother cooks lovely meals and parents go to fine restaurants regularly). Oh, think of subjecting yourself to dorm life at such a vulnerable age.think about not being able to take a shower without wearing flip-flops.  Think about how tiny and sparsely decorated your room will be. Then think about Chez Vous. Ours are the only feet in your shower. And your room is decorated in the finest of tastes, no doubt. Ween, there is no reasonable explanationfor inflicting this malarchy on me and your family.




Entry filed under: Celebrities, JL's Posts, Miller Monday, Random.

I Spy an Ex-Apprentice Contender Christmas Time Again

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lemare  |  December 17, 2008 at 2:36 am

    It worked. And now little Ween is engaged to be married. I like to think I played a little role…

  • 2. Jana  |  December 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    That is the best letter ever. I like how she drew on her own experience with cafeteria food (never mind how excited we all got on cordon blue Sunday), group showers, and sparsely decorated dorm rooms to drive her point home.

  • 3. LeMare  |  December 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    This just reminded me of when you girls used to call her Weenis and she would yell, “STOP CALLING ME WEENIS!”

  • 4. critts  |  December 18, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Ah le mare at her finest. I do love a good letter from lemare. How I adore you Maret! Thanks for sharing JL.

  • 5. Kerry  |  December 18, 2008 at 10:59 pm

    You do have a way with words, boom! So…. what ended up happening? don’t leave me hanging…. did she go to boarding school and eat meatloaf in a cafeteria?

  • 6. JL  |  December 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    Kerry- LeMare, along with others, successfully persuaded Ween that it wasn’t a good idea. So, she attended her local high school instead, did famously in sports, academics, etc. She’s a big food person, so the argument along the lines of food really cinched it.

  • 7. LeMare's Sis  |  January 6, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    That’s my sister!!! This letter illustrates, as do most of LeMare’s posts, that Maret could be a more successful columnist than Dave Barry.

  • 8. Angela  |  January 12, 2009 at 11:29 am

    absolutely hillarious!


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