Grocery Store Wars

April 7, 2009 at 5:28 pm 7 comments

membership-1At the beginning of the year, my grocery store broke up with me. It wasn’t planned. It was sudden, painful and frankly unnecessary. They had me at “hello” when as a preschooler, they let my class fieldtrip go behind the scenes and watch the bread bake and the sausage machine magically produce tubes of meat. As an adult, part of the draw for me was that it was always empty which of course turned out to be its downfall.

An uncommitted shopper with two tots in tow, I’ve wiped the slate clean and have ventured far and wide to claim a new store of my own. This period of time coincided with the last season of The Bachelor and I can’t help but compare myself to Jason Mesnick as he dealt with overly flirtateous and desperate women vying for his business.

Some of the grocery stores have been so aggressive in their courtship, it’s as uncomfortable as watching Jillian make out with Jason in the hot tub for 10 minutes of ABC prime time. When Safeway gives away four 12-packs of Diet Coke for $7, you feel a little unclean. When Shoppers Food Warehouse tosses free cereal boxes at you AND a coupon for $5 off a $15 purchase, you question your worth.

BJ’s, the poor man’s Costco, gave me over a year’s membership for half the price of a Costco renewal AND a membership for a friend. Harris Teeter has given me a coupon for the last twelve weeks for $10 off a purchase of $40 or more AND given my children free cookies and balloons on each visit. The only thing we’re missing is painted butterflies on our faces. And on it goes as I accumulate frequent shopper cards on my key chain and scope out my prospects.

Wegmann’s, the Rochester-based wonder chain, is the only one that’s played hard to get and I’ve fallen hard. Underground parking, double decker carts with seating for two, a functioning toy train track cascading above the dairy section, and pre-made meals to beat the band. They may be receiving the rose at the Final Rose Ceremony, but I trust in Jason’s example knowing I can always go back to Safeway if the first option falls through. All Wegmann’s has to do to seal the deal is open a child-care center like they offer in New York and I’m all theirs.

Entry filed under: Children, JL's Posts, Television. Tags: , , , , , .

Separated at Birth Bloody Fantastic

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mike  |  April 7, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    That’s hilarious. I had no idea this was going on behind my back.

  • 2. Jana  |  April 8, 2009 at 7:54 am

    Very clever. I’m hoping you choose Wegmans. My store has child care, and let me tell you, it’s worth it costing more than Wal-Mart.

  • 3. pzlee  |  April 9, 2009 at 8:58 am

    Next time you are at Wegman’s notice the empty though walled-up space behind the bread racks and to the left of the customer service desk. At my first Wegman’s visit I was told it was to be a childcare facility. They have one in the Ashburn store — but maybe they don’t have a train.

  • 4. lowdogg  |  April 9, 2009 at 10:19 am

    We lack most of the names you mentioned. The Super Wal-Mart is far too far, having been built on the side of town that was more politically advantageous.
    We have no Costco or BJ’s, and Sam’s Club is not a pleasant destination generally.
    I have long been a Publix partisan. They are consistently well-rated, despite the unfortunate closeness of the store’s name to certain anatomical features.
    We also have a Fresh Market, which is worth the drive for their excellent meat selection.

  • 5. critts  |  April 9, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    I feel like a first-round reject that never even got a rose. Not a single one of my local grocer’s is trying to lure me in. And child care? I’d gladly hand over a little more for my purchases for that benefit!

  • 6. LeMare  |  April 9, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    And I want to know the places that offer “free”child-care so i know not to go there as i am not at the point in my life that I would be benefitted by such and upcharge.

  • 7. Mary Ellen  |  April 9, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    Your visit to Wegman’s is long overdue! Cherish what you have.


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