Posts filed under ‘Embarrassing Moments’

Historical Blunders

A student teacher has to draw up an American history test for his tenth grade history students, focusing on post-World War II national events. He figures he will make it easy, seeing as how they’re just about to break for Memorial Day weekend.

Question #1: Name the intern who had inappropriate relations with President Bill Clinton in 1995.

This one stumps some of the students. What was that intern’s name?!!! One student writes, “Lebowski.” Student teacher laughs while he grades this test, but really enjoys the legendary response of “Martin Luther King, Jr.” What other conspiracy theories is this brilliant kid keeping from the United States? He certainly must know what goes down at Area 51.

martin-luther-king2big-lebowski

Question #9: Name the hippie music festival that took place in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.

Again, some kids are stumped. One girl in particular has no idea. She asks for help. Student Teacher says, “I’ll give you a clue. It starts with a ‘W’.” Girl rolls her eyes. “Okay, then an ‘o’ and another ‘o’, then a ‘d’. Girl’s eyes light up and she scribbles down, “Woodlog.” Student Teacher interjects and says, “Try again.” After thinking, she crosses out her first feeble attempt and confidently writes, “Woodshop.”

woodshop1

Woodshop vs. Woodstock (easily confusable!)

woodstock

Heaven help our teachers.

*Thanks, CJ, for the story!*

May 24, 2009 at 10:24 pm 2 comments

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 15: A Requiem

This post truly is a lamentation. I lament the fall of greatness, a fall that seems premature given the potential already demonstrated by this man, Vince, the marketer of the marvelous ShamWow.

It is alleged that Vince, full name Vince Shlomi (Mazel tov!), was in a violent confrontation with a purported prostitute. After coming to terms on their arrangement it seems the woman bit Vince’s tongue and refused to let go. He hit her, many times as some pictures I won’t link to show, and he fled to the lobby of his posh South Beach hotel to summon security.

This is a most unsavory turn of events. Clearly Billy Mays now holds the high ground in the InfoWars.

What other shining stars have fallen ignominously due to ill-thought ventures?

Who makes your list of star-crossed personalities?

April 2, 2009 at 10:52 am 2 comments

Link of the Day

This site, Tacky Weddings, exposes some truly unbelievable…creativity. This one is astounding.

Enjoy!

March 20, 2009 at 11:17 am 6 comments

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

It’s days like these that I am ashamed of my faith.  Or rather, the culture…

I’m utterly speechless. If I ever am proposed to, I have two rules:

1)  Any day except for 2/14
2) Ring must not be hidden in food.

Can you imagine, loading up on fiber, anxiously awaiting each trip to the bathroom, and then fishing into the toilet, digging for buried treasure?  Nothing says romance like the CLEANING that that ring will need before you can EVER put it on your left hand.

March 4, 2009 at 3:47 am 11 comments

Guest Post: I don’t normally do this, but…

I do normally eat lunch at Costco. Pizza, soda, churro for like 18 cents. How can you go wrong? I especially love the days when the churros come fresh out of the industrial sized oven. I like watching each individual churro get tossed in a vat of cinnamon sugar. I think it should be sinnamon. Anyways. Today in line with three of my homies, an objectively charming young lass walked up behind us. She was apparently quite fetching to the single men. One found her so magnetizing that he was drawn across the food court and compelled to confess to her…

“I don’t normally do this in line at Costco.”

He then handed her his card, courteously supplying her with his cellular number and email address. One of my friends burst out laughing and asked her what she thought as the guy walked away. She raised her wedding band and replied, “It helps to have a husband.”

And if I know this type of bold boy like I think I do, he’s asking himself, “Yeah, but is she that married?”

-mikel

January 5, 2009 at 9:57 pm 9 comments

The Pregnant Mind

Did you know that pregnant women have a good excuse for not remembering anything?  A factoid from BabyCenter reveals that pregnant women experience forgetfulness 15 percent more than nonpregnant women, but thankfully, memory returns after delivery.

This just explains so much of the last few months (namely an incident at the local Safeway last week) and will continue to justify any mental sloppiness leading up to my due date.  This incident of which I speak proved that my mind is not running at full speed.  After loading up Tiny Tot into his car seat, I drove all the way home before realizing I’d left my full cart of groceries in the parking lot.  Brilliant.  Since our Safeway has a reputation as The Un-Safeway, I prepped myself for the loss of six bags (“whomever stole them probably really needed them”) as I sped back to try and recover them.

And there they were, sitting gloriously untouched in the cart pavillion.  Lesson learned and sympathies extended to women whose memories aren’t fully restored until their baby is two months old and they drive away forgetting that their baby’s in the car seat on top of the car.  Let’s hope the pregnant mind stays sharp enough to avoid that critical mistake…

December 8, 2007 at 9:23 pm 4 comments

Make it At Least Sound Like You’re Working

Since working from home over the last sixteen months, I’ve experienced the bad and the ugly of talking to clients, bosses and others from my makeshift satellite office. Were it not for my ever-busy fifteen month old assistant in the background (whose music class teacher accuses of having “wiggle worms” in his overalls–she also can only communicate in verse), background noise wouldn’t be an issue. Dear Boy caused me a bit of panic back when he was three months old and breastfeeding round the clock.

In that stage, he could be placed on his Boppy pillow and I could continue to work on my computer completely uninterrupted while he fed. I became so immune to his little nursing soundtrack figuring that was the best time to make calls since he wouldn’t fuss at all. Imagine my surprise two minutes into a conversation when an events manager in San Francisco asked nonchalantly how old my little one was, with no prior indication from me that I had a baby. Flustered, I replied, realizing he heard my suckling child loud and clear in California, and he then said, “Oh, my wife and I have a five month old so those sounds are quite familiar.” Needless to say, I weeded his hotel out of the running for our event and got off the phone with a new set of personal phone regulations.

Now along comes a product for the stay-at-home worker or those that just work in smaller offices that want to a) block unintended background noise of dogs, babies and doorbells and/or b) create the illusion of workplace productivity. This CD creates a bustling background of “busy office” sounds like ringing phones, mumbling co-workers and incoming faxes. Two tracks exist depending on how badly you want to want to get off the phone with your client, “Busy” or “Very Busy.”

Thriving Office makes the grandiose claim that no one has ever returned one of their CDs out of dissatisfaction, since they also allege that by creating the myth of a busy office (starring you), you actually will get more work done in the end. The Pioneer Press points out an additional perk as “[giving] comfort to the lonely telecommuter.” Now one thing is for sure.

While I’ve had to mute my line during conference calls when Dear Boy takes over on the drums…

I’ve never been lonely as I’ve ducked work calls to attend to matters of greater importance, like perfecting Yoda’s Halloween strut.

Posted by JL

September 24, 2007 at 9:23 pm 12 comments

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