Posts filed under ‘Television’

Bloody Fantastic

Susan Boyle, the new hero of the “misunderestimated.” Go get ’em, tiger.

Here’s the link since the video embedding’s been disabled.


April 13, 2009 at 9:13 pm 3 comments

Grocery Store Wars

membership-1At the beginning of the year, my grocery store broke up with me. It wasn’t planned. It was sudden, painful and frankly unnecessary. They had me at “hello” when as a preschooler, they let my class fieldtrip go behind the scenes and watch the bread bake and the sausage machine magically produce tubes of meat. As an adult, part of the draw for me was that it was always empty which of course turned out to be its downfall.

An uncommitted shopper with two tots in tow, I’ve wiped the slate clean and have ventured far and wide to claim a new store of my own. This period of time coincided with the last season of The Bachelor and I can’t help but compare myself to Jason Mesnick as he dealt with overly flirtateous and desperate women vying for his business.

Some of the grocery stores have been so aggressive in their courtship, it’s as uncomfortable as watching Jillian make out with Jason in the hot tub for 10 minutes of ABC prime time. When Safeway gives away four 12-packs of Diet Coke for $7, you feel a little unclean. When Shoppers Food Warehouse tosses free cereal boxes at you AND a coupon for $5 off a $15 purchase, you question your worth.

BJ’s, the poor man’s Costco, gave me over a year’s membership for half the price of a Costco renewal AND a membership for a friend. Harris Teeter has given me a coupon for the last twelve weeks for $10 off a purchase of $40 or more AND given my children free cookies and balloons on each visit. The only thing we’re missing is painted butterflies on our faces. And on it goes as I accumulate frequent shopper cards on my key chain and scope out my prospects.

Wegmann’s, the Rochester-based wonder chain, is the only one that’s played hard to get and I’ve fallen hard. Underground parking, double decker carts with seating for two, a functioning toy train track cascading above the dairy section, and pre-made meals to beat the band. They may be receiving the rose at the Final Rose Ceremony, but I trust in Jason’s example knowing I can always go back to Safeway if the first option falls through. All Wegmann’s has to do to seal the deal is open a child-care center like they offer in New York and I’m all theirs.

April 7, 2009 at 5:28 pm 7 comments

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 14: Demons Among Us

My previous post on the rampant TV-caused teenage pregancy caused me to investigate further the major perpetrators of the broader media-borne cultural malaise. For your consideration, the Demons Among Us:

This joker seems to play a notorious lothario on Gossip Girl. Whenever I see him I want to punch his smarmy face. Is he considered attractive with his greasy hair and retro-moneyed attire?

Many women seem to have forgotten the days when this guy had a head about 2 times too big for his body. Now we’re supposed to believe that he is “dreamy.” In reality, he seems more like one separated at birth.

Finally, the Shmonas Shmothers. I dain to mention their name. As this videographic evidence shows, there is myriad evidence as to the unsuitability of these children. Fey gesticulation, feminized voices, overly done coifs, and emasculated attire are all evidences of their perniciousness. As I often say, “Never trust a man in skinny jeans.” One more thing…they can’t sing, yet we are forcefed their mediocrity.

If I intend to provide an appropriate counterbalance to these lupus in ovis aries’ guise, and I do, there is one clear place to start the list of worthy men. These paragons require no embellishment:

Jack Bauer

Jonas Blaine/President Palmer

Jean-Luc Picard (I know…it’s been a while)

Who else makes the Man List?

February 19, 2009 at 11:31 pm 6 comments

The Following Post takes place between 11:10 and 11:13 AM

I was pleased to read this review of the 7th season premiere of 24. I’ve been a fan of the show since it began and had to agree that it had lost some of the intensity and enjoyment of the first seasons. Among the criticisms faced by the show during its run has been the depiction of tough interrogation tactics, not always on guilty persons. This season’s response?

The show’s creators have apparently found a delectable solution to their political problem — a hero who has seen the light, who also knows, nonetheless, that it, like all of his moral re-education, has nothing to do with the reality of fighting terrorism.

I’ve always enjoyed the element of realism provided in its moral quandries. Ugly stuff has to be done. Hopefully a Jack Bauer will be there when we need them.

January 9, 2009 at 12:13 pm 11 comments

The Lamentations of Lowry – Chapter 12: Let’s Talk about Sex

Who doesn’t think of the immortal and saucily-named Salt-n-Pepa when they read the title of this chapter? I’ve always wondered how Spinderella felt, being relegated to the middle “n” position while Salt & Pepa had higher profile positions. She was definitely the hot one…but I digress.

I want to talk about sex. A recent study highlighted the following fact: Teens who take abstinence pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens that don’t. CNN broke it down for me just like that. According to a Johns Hopkins OBGYN, they seem to be “useless.” Fascinating…but there’s more.

William McGurn at the Wall Street Journal points out what may be deemed “the fine print.” The headlines mask the real message of the study:

The first to notice something lost in the translation was Dr. Bernadine Healy, the former head of both the Red Cross and the National Institutes of Health. Today she serves as health editor for U.S. News & World Report. And in her dispatch on this study, Dr. Healy pointed out that “virginity pledging teens were considerably more conservative in their overall sexual behaviors than teens in general — a fact that many media reports have missed cold.”

What Dr. Healy was getting at is that the pledge itself is not what distinguishes these kids from most other teenagers. The real difference is their more conservative and religious home and social environment. As she notes, when you compare both groups in this study with teens at large, the behavioral differences are striking. Here are just a few:

– These teens generally have less risky sex, i.e., fewer sexual partners.

– These teens are less likely to have a teenage pregnancy, or to have friends who use drugs.

– These teens have less premarital vaginal sex.

– When these teens lose their virginity they tend to do so at age 21 — compared to 17 for the typical American teen.

– And very much overlooked, one out of four of these teens do in fact keep the pledge to remain chaste — amid much cheap ridicule and just about zero support outside their homes or churches.

Let’s put this another way. The real headline from this study is this: “Religious Teens Differ Little in Sexual Behavior Whether or Not They Take a Pledge.”

 The doctor quoted is named Bernardine- no offense to the Bernardines out there, but I wonder what kind of an impact names have on sexual behavior? This could be another tool for parents concerned about preventing early sexual behavior. Name your child Pincus or Herpesia or Pedofile and they won’t lose their virginity for a long time- maybe never! Again I digress…must be the subject matter.

So as McGurn concludes (If I was him I would give my child the sex-proof name of Chlamydia McGurn) what is more critical is the broader belief set of the youth, more than any specific pledge. This jives with what we learned from previous studies, explained by ABCNews in 2006 (“Racy TV Shows Increase Teen Sex Activity, Study Says”) and CBSNews earlier this year (“Study: Racy TV Linked To Teen Pregnancy”).

Mere exposure to racy TV increases sexual activity, and may even get your daughter pregnant! As an advocate for individual rights I find myself troubled by what may be an effort to control what is on the tube. I can already see the TV rights slogan (modeled after the one used by gun owners): Racy TV Shows don’t get girls pregnant, seemingly polite boys who make bogus virginity pledges get girls pregnant.

Actually, these studies only demonstrate a correlation between sexual activity and risque television programs. As with the virginity pledge study discussed above, the headlines fail to address the sociological factors that affect a variety of choices, including what TV to watch. It just reveals the shocking truth that involved parenting and familial mores has a lot to do with a child’s behavior, sexual and otherwise.

But if you remain unconvinced, name your child Rapist Pervert {Last Name}, R.P for short, and make sure they only watch Veggietales. Better safe than sorry.

January 8, 2009 at 4:47 pm 2 comments

Happy Christmas

I happened upon this video, which hits several key points:

Hasselhoff Cameo…check

1980’s kitschy TV show…check

G.O.B. as the voice of K.I.T.T…check

Chance I will be watching? 100%

December 26, 2007 at 11:55 am 5 comments

The Hoff rides again!

This is a bit outside of what I intend to post here on IRF, but it seemed appropriate:


David Hasselhoff is in talks to appear on NBC’s “Knight Rider,” reprising his role as Michael Knight from the original series.


Can anything keep The Hoff down? Apparently not. Read this for more.  

[full disclosure: Lowdogg has owned and enjoyed both a Knight Rider three-wheeler and Knight Rider bicycle]

November 21, 2007 at 7:38 pm 4 comments

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